Broken wings
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Slash Clint/Coulson. Phil is oblivious and breaks Clint's heart. Clint has to leave the Avenger project and SHIELD passes him around, from handler to handler until he cracked. Coulson has to pick up the pieces.
1. Commitment issues

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: M, because I'm paranoid.

Pairing: Clint/Coulson

Warning: swearing, suicide attempt, violence, angst, bickering, kiss and make up, comic reference.

Info: I publish the sequel as stand alone.

A./N.: Okay, it's the first Avengers fic I started to write, and the fourth I actually finish. I started the story the same time I started "Talk at cross purposes" so they are a little similar at times. The ideas I had didn't fit together so I decided to write two stories.

I hope you do like this one, too.

"Talk at cross purposes" and "Broken wings" were both inspired by REO Speedwagon's "Time for me to fly"

::::::::::::::::

_I've been around for you - been up and down for you  
But, I just can't get any relief  
I've swallowed my pride for you - lived and lied for you  
But, you still make me feel like a thief  
You got me stealing your love away 'cause you never give it  
Peeling the years away, and we can't relive it  
Oh, I make you laugh and baby you make me cry  
I believe it's time for me to fly_

You said we'd work it out  
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love  
Oh, but I'm tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone  
I do believe that I've had enough  
I've had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation  
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration  
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry  
I believe it's time for me to fly

"Time for me to fly" by REO Speedwagon

:::::::::::::::::::

„What do you mean with ‚I want to end our fuck buddy relationship?" Clint yelled.

"I don't want to continue" Coulson simply said.

"Why all of a sudden?" he didn't understand.

"We had fun, and I have to agree that you're good in bed, but it's time to end the little game between us" Coulson waved his hand in dismissal.

"We had fun? Just fun?" Clint was beside himself.

"I'm looking for something serious, if I find the time. I'm too old for games" Coulson kept his emotions in check "and you can jump back to your unstable relationships. Your track record is legendary. Tony would be proud"

"Do you call me a slut?" Clint's jaw dropped.

"What else would you call someone like you?" slipped out of his mouth.

"I- I thought" Clint choked on his words.

"What did you think?" Coulson frowned slightly.

"I think I should leave the team if you're not able to have some faith in me" Clint blurted out.

"Okay" Phil stated.

"Okay?" Clint's heart constricted painfully "That's it? Just okay?"

"Report to Hill, 8 a.m. tomorrow morning" he stared at Clint.

"You can't…"

"I can and I just did. Wasn't it your own wish anyway?" Coulson felt sick.

Clint opened and closed his mouth before he stormed out of the office.

Phil leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He breathed heavily "Damn"

It wasn't what he wanted at all; he just wanted to end their nightly meetings but Clint woke emotions in him he couldn't handle. The young man was infuriating, loud, childish and pushy, but he owned the gentlest soul Phil ever met.

Phil fell in love with Clint ages ago and was happy to spend some time with Clint after work but a relationship based on sex wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a steady relationship with the archer but he never showed any interest and Phil was sure he wasn't even able to enter into engagements. Clint was known for one night stands and he couldn't remember that he had a partner for more than a week.

It was too painful to have him in his bed just for sex, that's why he decided to end it.

He wanted to protect his heart but it wasn't his intention to banish Clint from his life.

"What have I done?" he buried his head in his hands "I send him away" he never felt so alone.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint spent hours on the range but his beloved bow couldn't sooth the pain away.

He thought he was in a relationship with Phil, he thought it was more than just sex.

They spend as much time together at work as possible. Clint bought his favorite coffee every day, he reminded Phil to eat. They sat together in Phil's office and ate their lunch while they talked. They flirted all the time and he was sure Phil felt the same but he was wrong, obviously.

Phil had kicked him out. Out of the team, out of his life.

_~ What does life mean without him? It was always about him._

_I tried to be nice to people, I tried to be less annoying, I tried to care for him. I'm not used to care for someone. Nobody ever took care of me, what did I do wrong? I did what I thought was right. I joined the Avengers to stay by his side. I have to share his attention but at least I had it._

_I shouldn't have slept with him. I should have stayed away or I should have seduced him longer, make my point clear… Nonsense, he doesn't trust me at all._

_I'm not a whore. I didn't even sleep with most of them. We went out and parted. I only bedded men who resembled Phil and that was before I went out with him. I was always faithful. I'm so screwed. What do I do from now on? I can try to be the perfect little soldier Phil always wanted but that's what I'm doing for years, trying to be good enough for him ~_

Clint thought about all his options and made emergency plans just in case.

He trained without his protection gear; it was his way to punish himself.

He had failed; He had destroyed the only relationship he ever treasured.

He tainted everything he touched, some things never change. His fingers stung, the string of his bow had cut into his skin.

His back ached from overuse.

"Ahhh" he threw his bow away in frustration and raged, hurting himself even more. His nails cut into his palms and his throat hurt from screaming. The pain was welcome but not strong enough to overpower the pain in his heart.

:::::::::::::::::

"Ma'am" Clint stood ramrod straight. Head high, eyes front.

"Agent Barton" she nodded "I was informed by Agent Coulson that you're not part of the Avenger initiative any longer, is that right?" she was curiously fishing for information.

"Yes, ma'am" he said simply.

She frowned "Can you tell me why Agent Coulson decided to take you off the team?"

"No, ma'am" he said.

"What happened to your hands?" she eyed his hands.

"Practice, ma'am" he avoided lengthy answers.

"I don't know what you're playing but don't ruin my unit, do you understand?" she warned. The young man meant trouble and she wasn't happy to have him on the team.

"Yes, ma'am" he almost saluted.

She nodded and gave him a file "Read it and meet me at 10 a.m., dismissed"

He nodded curtly and left.

She let out a heavy sigh, not sure what to think.

Clint sat on the roof of the building, reading the file. He felt good up there, it was rather quiet and he was alone. The height was almost as soothing as his bow but not even his bow was as soothing as Phil. He missed Phil and it was just the first day.

"Bolivia, nice" Clint mumbled everything but enthusiastic. He remembered a time Phil, Natasha and him stranded in Bolivia. Their cover got blown and they had to hide for three days. Clint had spent the three days on a roof near their hiding place, in the blazing sun. He kept them safe from up there, while Natasha kept Phil alive who got shot. A bullet had hit his shoulder and he developed a fever because they had no chance to provide proper care.

The rescue team needed three days instead of hours because their little mission offended authorities.

Clint had talked with Phil to keep him awake; he learned to appreciate the radio.

His earpiece was his only connection to Phil while he observed the surrounding.

He trusted Natasha enough to know she would keep Phil safe no matter what but Clint needed to talk with the older man. He needed to make sure he was still alive and breathing. That was the day Clint realized his stoic superior was more than a friend. These new feelings had confused him and he needed some time to work through them.

"What happened?" Clint didn't flinch, he had sensed Natasha's presence minutes ago.

"I don't want to talk about it" she sat down next to him "Spill it"

"No" he gave her a glare.

"You know you can trust me" she tried.

"I know" he said simply.

"Clint" she sighed "Let me guess, you did or said something stupid and Phil teaches you a lesson"

He chuckled, pretending that she was right "I'm grounded for a while. Daddy doesn't want me to play with my superheroes anymore"

She laughed "What have you done? And how long?"

"I was a little too annoying" he clicked his tongue "and I don't know for how long. Could be days or weeks"

"I give you a week to piss Hill off and obtain pardon" she patted his knee, her pager beeped "I have to go"

"See ya" he watched her go.

He took a deep breath; praising himself for the great act "I'm so insincere it's scary" Clint looked at the sky, envying the birds and clouds. They weren't bound to duties and loyalty, they were free.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hawkeye, status report" Hill said icy.

"No contact, ma'am" he replied shortly.

"Engage hostile targets as they appear!" she clarified.

„Copy that" Hawkeye rolled his eyes, he had understood his part of the plan the first time she told him. That was the third. Clint wasn't sure but had the feeling that she thought he was stupid.

She ordered one of her agents to keep an eye on him.

"With all due respect ma'am but I'm capable of shooting a target on my own" Clint kept his tone neutral.

"Radio silence" she reminded him.

Clint swallowed hard; Phil never treated him like that. Sure he was professional enough to put him in his place but he let him talk when he could and he talked to Clint when he got the chance.

Clint hated it to be alone and he was sure Phil knew that too.

_~ I miss his voice, his smooth and calming voice. Maria might be on the other end of the radio but I still feel alone. She doesn't care about me; she doesn't want to put up with me. Phil cares for me; he makes sure I know that I'm not alone. Even during radio silence he makes sure I can hear him breath. It always warms my heart and reminds me of what I'm fighting for._

…

_No not cares, cared. I blew it and he's gone. I am alone ~_

He narrowed his eyes and made his shots. Direct hits. Mission accomplished.

"Get the data, Hawkeye provides back up" she said, Clint frowned. That wasn't part of the plan, at least not the version he got "Copy that" he agreed.

Three heavily armed soldiers blocked their way "Take them out"

"I'm up here and they're already in, I can't see them" he forgot the masquerade he put up.

"Get your ass down then" she ordered. Clint disliked her even more. Phil had at least some respect concerning Hawkeye.

He left his nest and searched for the perfect spot to provide back up. He climbed up the building they were invading and entered the two story building from the roof.

"I'm in" he informed.

"Silence" was the answer he got.

Hawkeye searched for more enemies and took them out, getting hurt in the process.

Based on the confined space in some rooms he had to use hand to hand combat. One enemy cut him with a knife at the side of his rips. Not visible due to the dark fabric of his vest.

"Got the data. Back to the helicarrier" came the order and Clint hurried back, worried she would leave him behind.

No one noticed his injury; he made sure to hide his side with his arm. In case wet spots became visible. Hill wasn't interested in his well being and didn't bother to ask her men if they were alright. One more indication that she didn't give a damn. Phil would have dragged his sorry ass down to the infirmary, but Phil wasn't there. He had to protect himself again.


	2. Pride

"Hey Clint" Tony approached him "I heard you pissed your boss off and he's punishing you"

"Yeah, well that's what I do best" he faked a smile.

"What are you doing?" Tony frowned.

"I get my stuff and leave" he said simply.

"You don't have to move out just because you're not an Avenger for a while" Tony put his hands on his hips.

"I think he's really pissed this time" Clint said honest.

"It's my house, SHIELD doesn't have authority in here" he spread his arms "and I ask you to stay"

Clint seemed surprised "I don't know if…" Tony cut him off "You're a friend and you're one of us, doesn't matter what he says"

"Thank you" Clint smiled, for real this time.

"You're welcome" Tony patted his shoulder "Come on, Steve has a sparring session with Natasha. I don't wanna miss that"

"I'm on my way" Clint looked back into the room before he closed the door; he had friends it was almost unbelievable.

"Hey Clint" Steve waved "long time not seen"

"I was on a mission and I took two days off afterwards" the truth was he hid. He travelled from motel to motel to get his roaring emotions under control.

"We thought you fled the country" Natasha smiled but it seemed faked to him. He wondered what she knew.

"Without you guys? Never" he grinned "but we're here to see a fight"

"Come on" Tony whined impatiently "I'm not getting any younger"

Steve rolled his eyes and started the sparring session. Clint sat down in a corner of the room and wrapped his arms around his drawn up knees "Widow your getting old" he mocked, feeling cold inside. It was a habit he developed during his childhood to sit in a corner and hug himself when he felt lonely. He felt safer there.

"Old? I show you who's old" she pulled him up only to wrestle him down.

He laughed in delight, enjoying the pain in his side. Pain, it was the only feeling strong enough to put his emotion in the rear, for a while. She sat on top of him, pressing her knees into his side "Old huh?" she smirked.

"I surrender and apologize. I'm terribly sorry I hurt your pride oh young princess" Clint suppressed a groan, it hurt.

"No wonder Phil blew up" she sighed "you should work on your manners" amusement in her eyes.

His smile wavered "I like the way I am" he lied.

"I bet you do" she got up. The other Avengers laughed at their banter.

Their laughter died "Natasha you got some blood on your leg" Tony informed her.

Steve panicked "Have I hurt you? You could have said something"

"I'm not hurt" she looked down at her pants before she turned around to look at Clint.

He didn't move from the spot he occupied on the ground, breathing heavily through the pain.

"Clint?" she approached him "I'm fine" he smiled at her.

"You're hurt" she stated.

"Just a scratch, my fall reopened it" he got up, swaying slightly.

"Show it to us my friend" Thor ordered.

Clint pulled up his black shirt; it was useless to put up resistance.

"Scratch huh?" Tony examined the wound "It's not too deep but it seems infected"

Steve got the first aid kit "Hold still" he warned as Clint jerked from his touch.

"I don't like that" it was Phil's job to fuss over him. He loved it when the older man got annoyed and held him with a firm hand in place.

"I know you don't but it's necessary" Steve continued to clean the wound.

"Am I right in assuming that you did not report your injuries?" Thor eyed him.

Clint sighed deeply "It isn't life-threatening. The doctors would clean the wound and put a band-aid on it, that's something I can do on my own"

"Yeah I can see that, that's why it's infected" Tony glared. Clint remained silent.

"Clint we need to talk" Natasha said leaving him no choice.

"I know" he smiled sadly. Steve frowned at them, putting puzzle pieces together.

::::::::::::::

"I ask again what happened?" she settled down on his bed.

He took the chair in a corner on the other side of the room "He ended our relationship"

"What?" she seemed surprised "Why?"

Clint looked at her, of course she knew "He said he wanted something serious and I'm not uhm, the ideal partner for a serious relationship because of my track record"

"He likes you very much"

"Obviously not" Clint put up his knees, wrapping his arms around them "He thinks we were just fuck buddies. I tried so hard to show that I care but everything he saw was the sex. He thinks I'm a whore"

"Clint you must have misunderstood" she couldn't believe what she heard.

"You're right" he said finally "I got it wrong and yelled at him for nothing"

"I'm sorry" she said "I know you understood. I just can't believe he throws away all you had"

"It wasn't enough" Clint closed his eyes "I tried but he didn't get it. I thought I did it right"

"It is obvious" she said "we all know you love him, aside from Phil"

"He doesn't trust me. I thought I'd earned his trust by now" it hurt.

"He was just pissed" she tried to sooth.

"Maybe" he tilted his head back and hit the wall with a thud.

"Clint" she warned not liking the sickening sound his head made while it connected with the wall.

"Hmm?" he hummed absentmindedly.

She didn't answer and watched him instead.

"I know that look. You made up your mind about something" Clint came back to reality.

"I'll leave the Avengers and join Hill" she said.

"No" he shook his head "You have to keep him safe"

She was torn between Phil and Clint "I'll keep you safe"

"Don't leave him too"

"He brought misery upon himself" she said firm, he gave in to her.

:::::::::::::

"Agent Romanoff, what can I do for you?" Coulson's mood was dark.

"Don't vent your frustration on me" she looked serious "Don't push me away too"

"You know?!" he rubbed his face, of course she did.

"He lied to me the first time and I believed him. He said he made you angry and therefore you punish him" she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"He took the blame?"

"Not really" she said "We put the blame on him out of habit and he played along"

Phil snorted "I talked with Fury and he assigns me to Hill" his face fell "You what?"

"I'm joining Hill's team" she repeated.

"I didn't give my consent" he reasoned.

"I don't need it" she glared at him "I made up my mind, sir"

"I need you here" his tone softened.

"I'm needed elsewhere" she turned around and left.

Phil picked up his phone and made a call.

::::::::::::::

Natasha was fuming, Phil blocked her transfer she was sure. Hill denied the transfer; Clint was enough of a handful she'd said.

"Doesn't work?" Clint settled down next to her, he got a glare in return.

"Hey Clint" Steve called out "Tony is giving a party this evening, okay it's more a little get together between friends. He won't accept a no"

Clint nodded and Steve strolled away with a happy smile.

"I have a bad feeling" Natasha said.

"Me too" Clint groaned "I'm sure they want to squeeze information out of me"

They didn't, they planned something much worse.

"Agent Coulson nice of you to join us" Steve greeted.

Clint wanted to run, as fast and far he could but he had to stay. He promised to attend and he kept his promises besides they would haunt him down and grill him for information.

"Sir" Clint greeted as he sat down on the table, Natasha took the chair next to him to offer protection and comfort.

Tony and Steve tried to engage Phil in a conversation but the older man seemed absentminded. The first thirty minutes were absolutely awkward and filled with insecure glances and small talk.

"When ends the punishment?" Tony asked after a while, the gloomy atmosphere was too much for him to bear.

"Why do you ask?" Phil's expression hardened.

"He's one of us and we need him in the field" Tony stated the obvious.

"I'm still searching for a suitable replacement" Clint's gut twisted at Phil's words.

The older agent didn't intend to let him come home. He was out on the streets again, without shelter and without warmth. Sure he had his friends but he needed more than they could offer.

He needed to hear Phil's voice over his earpiece, he needed his care, he needed everything that defined Phil Coulson.

"Come on" Clint dropped his fork "I pissed you off and I'm sorry, oaky. Don't be so resentful. I do it for years"

"Yeah you do and that's one of the reasons I'm fed up. I tolerated your behavior long enough. Most people don't even understand why I kept you that long, and honestly I do not either" Phil talked but the words that left his mouth didn't fit his thoughts.

"You kept me because we are friends" Clint said defensive.

"I'm your superior not your friend. It's my job to keep my team alive, no matter what"

"So, you want me to believe that you don't like us and your behavior towards us is just for show?" Clint's heart beat wildly.

"Not exactly. My behavior towards you" he pointed at Clint "was just to keep you happy and out of my hair"

Clint felt sick.

"Don't lie" Natasha interfered "You do like him and you have no right to let your anger out on him just to cause him pain"

"I don't vent my anger on him" Phil stated.

"Oh, you do. You're too proud to confess that you made a mistake" she hissed "This time it's your fault, sir" Natasha stood up and dragged Clint away from the table and out of the room.

She needed to cool down and grant Phil some time to think but her first priority was to cheer Clint up.

"Drink" she poured him a drink, he downed it in one go.

"He's a proud man" she started "He's too stubborn to confess his mistake and it's not helpful either to blow up every time he opens his mouth"

"He makes me angry"

"I know he does" she said empathically.

"I want to be alone" he demanded.

"Will you be alright?, on your own I mean" she eyed him, he nodded.

"You know where to find me" she placed a kiss on his forehead.

He locked the door after she left. Thanks to Tony's paranoia their rooms were soundproof and Clint made use of it.

He let out his frustration while he threw his glass against the wall with a loud scream. He grabbed his hair and bent forward, mouth open to scream but he couldn't make a sound. His face was red from the tension in his body, his muscles cramped; that was something he couldn't handle on his own. It was all too much; he straightened his posture and looked at the ceiling, hoping for an answer. His muscles twitched from the strain. He walked around in the room "Damn it, damn it, damn it" Clint mumbled. After an hour he was tired enough to turn off his raging emotions. His legs gave out and he landed hard on his knees right on top of a few shards. He couldn't think and he couldn't feel it was like his body and mind had decided to lay down their work. After endless minutes he got up and walked to the bathroom like on autopilot, taking care of his cuts before he got rid of evidences.

::::::::::::::::::::

While Clint had his mental breakdown his friends had cornered Phil and demanded answers. He didn't say much.

After a while Natasha had stormed into the living room "Why Phil, why?"

He just shrugged.

"Don't give me the silent treatment" she warned "Swallow your damn pride and say you're sorry"

"There's nothing to say sorry for" he knew it was a huge lie.

"He can't cope with your dispute" she took deep calming breaths.

Phil snorted "He'll get over it"

"No" she demanded "Not this time"

"What's different from the last time" he looked at her for the first time "Except I suspended him only for days?"

"You have no clue" she realized "you really don't know"

"Know what?" he raised his brow.

She huffed and put up her hands "You Phil Coulson, are an idiot"

He seemed shocked "Care to explain?"

"No" she shook her head "If you can't see it than you're not worth my breath" Natasha left. The other members of the team remained silent; they had a slight idea of what was going on.


	3. Our pride is our downfall

Phil didn't need long to find a substitute for Clint. Campbell was a young sniper, not as good as Clint but he was good enough. He was conform and his reputation was spotless.

"Status" Phil asked.

"I have to adjust my position; I can't give up a clean shot" Campbell's voice echoed in his earpiece. It wasn't Barton's raspy voice and the fact unnerved him. It felt wrong and Coulson didn't feel the urge to talk with the young man. Campbell was just a random guy he had to talk to.

"Hurry up" Phil turned off his earpiece not bothering to wait for an answer.

Rogers could talk with him; he was in charge.

Phil watched the battle and realized how lonely he felt. Normally Clint was near, he felt safe while Clint was around. Phil trusted the younger man with his life just not with his heart.

Phil jumped behind his car as an unknown enemy threw lightning bolts at him, one of the bolts barely missed "Take him out" Phil hissed.

The enemy went down with a bullet hole in his chest. Phil sighed deeply, Campbell was nothing compared to Clint and he realized that he wasn't safe at all. Campbell didn't care for his safety; he was just one of many superiors.

Phil tapped his foot impatiently while the battle dragged on and on. He had turned his earpiece on a while ago and waited for reports. He caught himself a few times waiting for Clint to talk but Campbell's voice reminded him that his friend was gone. He had pushed him away and he had pushed too far.

"Good work" Phil praised Campbell not because he wanted to but he had to.

"Thank you, sir" Campbell's eyes gleamed.

"Back to HQ" Coulson turned around and walked back to his SUV.

Phil sat in his office and wondered how he survived all the paperwork before Clint showed up on his doorsteps. It was too silent and boring. Phil threw his pen on top of the desk with a huge sigh, burying his head in his hands "God Damn it"

A knock interrupted his little breakdown "Yes?"

"We need to talk" Steve entered.

"Then talk" Phil didn't want to talk at all, he wanted to be alone.

"We're worried about Barton" that was something Phil didn't want to hear.

"What's with him?"

"He acts strange for a while now" Steve watched Phil.

"He always acts strange, he's Barton" Coulson ignored Steve's glare.

"He doesn't sleep anymore, if he does than not more than a few hours and only because he passed out. Sparring with him gets out of control pretty fast, as if he wants to get a good beating. But the most disturbing change in his behavior is his unhappiness. He doesn't smile anymore, he doesn't banter anymore. Tony throws verdict after verdict at him but he doesn't joke back. Tony is worried, I never saw Stark so thoughtful before. Whatever happened between you guys affects Clint and I think you need to sort it out, fast"

"He'll get over it. He doesn't like to adjust to knew people" Phil said neutral but worry gnawed on his heart.

"It's not that. He loves you so much and you pushed him away, all of a sudden. I don't know why but I hope you regret" Steve turned around and left.

"Love?" Phil's eyes were wide "He doesn't love me like in love with me, or?"

He combined his earlier thoughts with Steve's and was shocked.

Clint had always been around, on his couch, behind the walls, waiting for his chance to care for Phil. Food, coffee, comfort, safety. Clint always seemed to know what Phil needed and when.

Coulson left his office and walked down the corridors, feeling alone. The feeling of being watched was missing and his back felt strangely exposed.

He stopped in front of the elevator "We were in a relationship" shock written all over his face.

::::::::::::

Clint took each day as it came, hoping for a way out of his misery.

Tony tried hard to make him laugh, Steve tried to protect him from himself and Banner taught him more about science while Natasha was at a loss. She never saw him that way and it worried her. He always came back from ops with injuries, mostly minor but more than usual nonetheless.

He was a danger to himself but too proud to ask for help "Clint" she waved him over "Do you want to join me?"

"I'm not in the mood for your mind games" Clint looked down at her. She swam to the edge of the pool "You like to swim and it's less dangerous than sparring with Cap"

"I don't want to and I don't want you to use your tricks on me" he stepped back to make sure she couldn't reach him. She tended to throw him into pools fully clothed just for fun.

"I don't want to use my gift. I'm your friend and I'm worried" she seemed honest.

"Don't worry" he adjusted his sunglasses "I don't like it when you worry" Clint eyed her. She was a beautiful woman and sometimes he wondered how his life would have developed when he had fallen in love with her instead of Coulson.

"Don't make us worry then" she smiled sadly.

"It will get better" he nodded to himself not believing in what he said "I'll find my way back home"

"I hope so. I miss you" she continued to swim, the conversation was over. Natasha was even more scared than before. Clint lied to her; he never lied to her with such ease. It was scary that he lied at all; Barton was everything but a liar.

::::::::::::::

Phil and Clint had met a few times at HQ but they ignored and avoided each other. Phil had seen his archer walking through the corridors near his office but he didn't have the gut to engage him in a conversation. He had pushed too far and he knew it but apologizing was something he wasn't good at. Phil wanted to approach him, to ask for forgiveness but his good intentions vanished the moment the archer was near. The pain in his heart became a constant attendant.

Clint passed by Phil's office more often than necessary just to feel closer to him. He saw Phil in the corridors of HQ and wanted so much to follow him like he used to but the older man seemed not interested in his presence. It hurt to know Phil was close but unreachable. Normally they would talk in the break room while the coffee brewed; they would walk together into the elevator and scare other agents with horror stories while they rode to the ground floor.

"Barton" a voice interrupted the flood of memories "Come with me"

"Yes sir" Barton followed agent Diaz into the meeting room.

:::::::::::::::

"Where is he?" Phil asked Natasha a few days later. He didn't see Clint for days and that worried him.

"I don't know" she had tried to find him but failed.

"I give Maria a call" Coulson pulled out his mobile phone.

"She doesn't know where he is" Natasha stated "I asked her yesterday"

"What did she say?" Natasha's expression worried him.

"Diaz needed a sniper and she gave him Hawkeye" Natasha sat down on the couch in the back of the office.

"Diaz" he raised his brows "I don't like that"

"I heard rumors that he tends to sacrifice the lives of his men too willingly for his behalf"

"It's not a rumor it's the truth" Coulson folded his hands "His methods are rather unorthodox and his respect for life is practically non-existent"

"I kill him in case Hawkeye gets hurt" she said simply, it was a fact not a threat.

"Not if I get him first" Phil seemed serious.

"He loves you; you know" she loved Phil, he was part of her family and it broke her heart.

"I realized that after a little chat with Rogers" Phil's shoulders slumped slightly.

"You finally put two and two together" she played with a strand of her hair "I don't know what to do"

"What do you mean?"

"He fell back into old pattern" she looked lost.

"You mean he…" Coulson had trouble to finish his thought.

"He hides in corners hugging himself, he practically begs to get hit and his sleep habits are worse than ever" she summarized.

"Do you think he will do something stupid?" he prayed for a no.

"Yes" she nodded, breaking his heart even more. He had hoped Cap was exaggerating to make his point clear.

"I find it kind of hard to apology" Coulson confessed "I'm trying it for days but every time I see him I…"

"You're scared" she detected.

"Shitless" he confirmed "Why is it so hard to say sorry?"

"You're scared of the outcome" she analyzed his feelings "You're scared he might not forgive you for what you've done"

"Why should he? I can't forgive myself for what I've said" he licked his lips.

"Stop thinking and talk to him next time you see him. Just go and talk" it sounded so easy out of her mouth "Okay?"

Phil nodded his okay.

:::::::::::::

Clint was stuck in a little town outside of Houston. He observed an office building for days. His patience was wearing thin and Diaz's nerve-wrecking attempts of small talk drove him crazy. Clint was sure the older man tried to get personal information out of him while they waited for their move.

"I heard you attended an op in Syria" Diaz tried to find bones in the closet of every agent he got. It was easier to handle them with black mail material but Hawkeye was tight-lipped.

"Just a rumor, sir" Clint denied, Syria had been a top secret op.

"Such a shame. The rumors sound interesting" Diaz tipped on his laptop.

"Yeah" Barton made out one of the scientists they were looking for. It wasn't easy to assassinate them because they rarely left the building at all. The only way of killing them was to hide and wait. Clint shot and hit his goal "That was number two" his weapon was loaded with a little toxic needle which caused a heart attack. His first victim had died of an overdose cocaine. He didn't like weapons that much and venom even less but sometimes it wasn't avoidable.

"Good shot, where did you learn that anyway?" Diaz tried again.

"Practice" was the short reply.

"You can hit a target without actually looking at him, don't tell me you learned it just for fun" Diaz wasn't a patient man.

"But I did" Clint smirked sadly; he loved to piss him of. It's by far not as fun as irritating Phil but he had something to get his mind off of his former superior.

"Liar" Diaz hissed, not liking Hawkeye at all "No wonder Coulson threw you out"

"His decision has nothing to do with my honesty" Clint retorted.

"Hmph, no. Maybe he was tired of your company. Rumors say you let him fuck you whenever he needed it"

Anger bubbled in his chest "He didn't use me like a whore"

"What else could it be" Diaz scowled "You've got a pretty body but therefore your personality lacks some qualities"

"Do you want to say I've got a bad personality sir?"

"You're worthless but pretty, yes" Diaz eyed the monitor of his laptop while he insulted Clint "Third target should be in reach in … 23 seconds" he informed.

"Screw it" Clint mumbled "Asshole" he said out loud while he killed the third scientist.

"What did you just say?" Diaz asked surprised.

"You're an asshole sir" Clint got up and left his nest.

"You'll face consequences for your insubordinate behavior" Diaz moved towards Clint.

"Sue me" he hissed and got a fist to the face in return.

"It's my op, you have to listen to me and you have to keep silent" it was a threat, Clint knew but he was too tired to care.

"Yes sir" he said in a mocking tone before he got into the car.

The ride home was long and tense. Diaz's words had hurt him more than he let on. His words resembled Phil's and Clint had to accept that people had a low opinion on him. He was the world's best marksman and he was a good agent but nothing more. His personality wasn't a quality he could treasure because he was a no one. He was an orphan raised in a circus and left for dead once he wasn't useful anymore. Great life, Clint thought mocking himself.

SHIELD offered him a chance to start anew; to give life one more try; but he failed again.

His complicated nature scared Phil away and it was a matter of time that The Avengers and Natasha left him too.

One question ghosted through his head for days and he came closer to an answer. He wasn't absolutely sure yet but one of the possible answers seemed more and more appealing.


	4. Time for me to fly

"Diaz" Coulson cornered the slightly younger man "Where is Barton?"

"I don't know. I brought him home yesterday and he vanished" Diaz eyed Phil.

"Injuries?"

"No" Diaz said "The mission wasn't dangerous, just time consuming"

"YOU" Natasha came closer with Cap in tow "He charged Clint with insubordination" she spoke to Phil.

"What has he done?" Coulson narrowed his eyes.

"He called me an asshole" Diaz said.

"That's it?" Phil sighed "What have you done to provoke such a behavior?"

"I? I did nothing" he replied, Natasha huffed in annoyance. Cap crossed his arms in front of his chest but remained silent. It wasn't his fight, at least not at that moment.

"I know you" Phil pressed his index finger against Diaz's sternum "If I detect that you provoked his insubordination I'll shoot you myself. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes" Diaz swallowed. Coulson was a good agent, a little awkward sometimes but one of the best nonetheless and he never made an idle threat.

"Good" Phil returned his attention to Natasha "Do you know what the consequences are?"

"I heard how Fury lectured him about teamwork and confidence and many chances" Natasha fidgeted with her hands.

"Ah, the good old I pulled you out of the gutter so be grateful or I throw you back speech" it wasn't the first time Clint got that speech but normally it was Phil who gave it.

"He got suspended from the firing range for a week and he has no access to the training rooms in general"

"So he practically took his bow away for a week unless we have to fight?!" Phil put his hands on his hip.

"Yes, they confiscated it" she nodded "he needs his bow" Natasha added sadly.

"I know" Phil smiled gently.

"Coulson, sir. You have to come" a young agent panted "to the roof sir"

"What happened?" he followed the young man, he learned in all his years as an agent that you had to ask the questions after you got your ass in gear.

"It's agent Barton sir" the young agent ran even faster "Something is wrong. A secretary informed us that he's standing on the edge of the building"

Phil needed time to work through the information. Clint spent a lot of time on the roof because he liked it there but he never saw him close to the edge.

Clint stood on the edge with his back to the streets below; he had finally found the answer to his question, flight or die. He chose to end it, to break the circle of happiness followed by heart chilling loneliness. Worthless, unreliable… that's what the swordsman said too before he dumped his body to rot. He had trusted the Swordsman, he was like a father figure but like everything in his life their relationship blew up and ended bitter. That was the day he lost his brother, too.

He missed him, Barney was his everything but he turned his back on him. Even Trick Shot didn't care enough to stay with him. Clint was honest and a little naïve so he intended to turn the Swordsman in for what he did but his plan backfired and he lost everything in the progress.

Clint tried keeping Phil near no matter what but his selfish wish for closeness brought an end to their little relationship, too. They were friends he had no doubt but his longing for a real relationship was too much to ask of Phil. Phil was right he deserved better. He deserved a pretty wife with a heart of gold and children. Phil would be a great dad, Clint was sure of that.

Barton felt the wind caressing his skin while he stood there, one step away from the end. The sun was warm on is skin and the sky was pale blue like Phil's eyes. Clint slowed down his breathing, like he did before he fired his bow, just one more step…

The door burst open and Phil ran to him "Clint" he screamed in panic.

Clint looked at him with sad eyes and granted him one genuine smile before he spread his arms and leaned backwards. Phil got his legs working again and grabbed for the archer's vest, he could feel the fabric of the vest on his fingertips as the younger man left his reach "Noooo"

Phil watched his beloved archer fall. Clint wondered why Phil seemed pretty distressed as a hard impact brought him out of his musing. Iron man had caught him half way down. The impact hurt but he was still alive. He wasn't sure if he was angry or relived.

Tony flew back to the roof with Clint "Thank god Tony" Cap sighed. He had informed Tony about the possibility of a catastrophe.

"Clint" Phil crouched down next to the young man and pulled him into his arms "Clint" he repeated.

Natasha came closer "How is he?" she saw him fall but couldn't move at all, she cursed herself for her weakness.

Phil nuzzled his neck and rocked back and forth "You're precious, too precious to die"

"Not precious" Clint mumbled, Phil could feel his warm breath against his cheek "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" the older agent repeated like a mantra.

"We have to check him for injuries" Natasha interfered; Clint's right arm seemed hurt.

"He dislocated his shoulder and broke, I think, two ribs and he got a couple of bad bruised" Cap took hold of Clint's shoulder "Take a deep breath. I have to reset it"

Clint nodded avoiding their gazes "One, two, THREE" Cap pushed at three. Clint clung to Phil's hand for comfort and let out a muffled scream, he was too stubborn to show how much it really hurt.

"Breath" Phil caressed his cheek "the nausea will fade"

Clint squeezed Phil's hand. They brought him to the infirmary afterwards.

Phil sat next to Clint's bed and watched him. He had a long talk with Fury moments ago about Clint's future. Fury and the doctors want to commit him to the SHIELD asylum for a while but Phil knew the archer would break there. He needed his family not the secure unit of a soulless institution. Luckily Nick granted his wish and released Clint into his care. The only condition was that he kept a close eye on the archer, he would move in with Clint after he got released.

Most agents got a break down in course of years, their job wasn't a cake walk and the strain on the soul was enormous. Even Phil had a breakdown years ago but Clint, Natasha and Nick had pulled him out of it.

Clint groaned and opened his eyes "Do you want some water?" Phil was up in an instant getting the cup of water.

Clint nodded "Thank you"

"How do you feel?" Phil returned to his chair.

"Bruised" Clint stated.

"I know. I meant how you feel there?" he tipped against Clint's head.

"Hurt" Clint studied Phil.

"I didn't mean a single word I said" Phil began "I love you and I'm a pretty insecure guy. You tend to flirt and I was jealous, you flirted with the waitress that day. I thought I was just … I don't know, a fling"

Clint remained silent.

Phil bit on his bottom lip "I realized that we had a relationship. I broke up with you didn't I? Not as a fuck buddy but as a lover"

"Yes" Clint agreed "I thought you want to take it slow. I thought you were just as clueless as I was about where we stand and not that you figure me for a whore"

"I said pretty mean things huh?" Phil rubbed his forehead "I was selfish. I tried so hard to protect myself that I stomped on your feelings. I wanted to push you away but not completely. I treasure your friendship and I was scared of it all, and clueless"

"I don't know what we are anymore" Clint closed his eyes he was tired.

"We are friends and even more if you want to" Phil sounded honest.

"Co-workers" Clint's breathe evened out. Phil squeezed his eyes shut, coping with the pain.

"You brought it upon yourself" Natasha entered; she waited in front of the door until their conversation ended.

"I know" Phil took Clint's hand "You must hate me too"

"I love you too much to hate you but I can't forgive you for blocking my transfer" she added.

"I didn't" he frowned, he didn't talk Maria out of it. He just asked her how Clint was doing.

"Don't lie to me it doesn't suit you"

"I'm not lying" he seemed honest and Natasha frowned "Agent Barton asked to stop the transfer" Maria's voice appeared behind them

"Why should he do that" Phil asked.

"I don't know" she said.

"We fought about it and he wanted me to stay with you" Natasha mused.

"Stay with him?" Maria tilted her head.

"He asked me to keep Phil safe while he was gone but I insisted to keep him safe instead and we argued… he gave in" Natasha remembered.

"Obviously he didn't" Maria looked at the archer "I'm surprised he went that far to gain your attention"

"What?" Phil's head shot around, making him dizzy "It wasn't a plot to gain my attention"

"Are you sure?" Hill narrowed her eyes "He was scheming something"

" . .it" Phil's voice was dangerously low "You get five seconds to leave this room or I make sure you fall prey to my wrath"

She wrinkled her nose and left with a huff.

"He didn't fake it" Natasha took Clint's hand.

"I know" Phil remembered a time he was constantly worried about his friend's recklessness. Hawkeye was a killer and fighter but against most believes he did own a conscience. He did treasure the gift of life just not his own.


	5. Keep me warm

"What do you mean with, you're moving in with me?" Clint frowned.

"We don't have much of a choice here" Phil unpacked his bag "Either I keep an eye on you 24/7 or they send you away for a while"

Clint knew what he meant, the madhouse on a little Caribbean island "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're important to me" Phil gave him a meaningful look.

"How long, until I can go back to work?" Clint changed the topic.

"I thought of four weeks. I know you need to work and I was able to convince Nick that you will be well enough to come back within the next four weeks"

"Does he believe you?" Clint didn't look at Phil.

"No" he shook his head "but I believe in you and that's enough"

Clint turned his head away and huffed; it was hard to believe that the older man trusted him.

"Don't" Phil put a hand on Clint's shoulder "I never mistrusted you. I hope you believe me one day"

It was even harder _not_ to believe him when he looked at him like a kicked puppy. The anger and hurt he felt moments ago melted away with the touch and look Phil provided.

He was so hopelessly in love with the older man that he knew he would crawl back to him soon.

Clint wanted to make him suffer, to make him crawl and beg for forgiveness but he was Phil Coulson.

The older man could be a bad-ass and asshole but it wasn't his nature. He was cheery, liked to talk and he could be utterly clumsy, especially with words and gestures.

That was what Clint loved most; he loved his awkward self he so rarely showed and he knew Phil was honest.

He was always so honest it hurt.

What hurt more than the words Phil spoke was that he lied to him, for the first time they knew each other Phil had lied.

Clint was still pretty pissed about the things Phil said but in the end the dishonesty hurt more. He thought about the things Phil told him since his little slip-up and couldn't shake the feeling that he would be alone once Phil had spent these four weeks with him but maybe, and just maybe, he was worth something to the older man and Phil wouldn't leave him alone after all.

:::::::::::

"Go to bed" Phil ordered gently.

"I'm not tired" Clint lied.

"Clinton Francis Barton, I know you for a long time and I know damn well that you're indeed dead tired" he hovered over Clint who sat down on the bed.

"Happy?" Clint slipped under the covers and looked sheepishly at Phil.

"Well, yes" the older man nodded before he got rid of his clothes.

"What are you doing?" Clint frowned.

"Making sure you get some rest" he slipped under the blanket and pulled Clint into his arms "and now sleep"

"I'm not a child" Barton said defensive.

"I know but your nightmares are more than terrifying and you have every right to be scared of them" Phil stated, he knew Clint's slept better when he wasn't alone.

Clint was at a loss for words, he tried to find a sneaky retort but his mind was blank.

"Sleep well" the older man closed his eyes, offering Clint a way out of their conversation.

Clint couldn't sleep; he was overwhelmed by his own thoughts and emotions.

His mind swirled with what ifs and maybes.

He couldn't believe that he decided to end it. Clint was a fighter and proud of it.

Life wasn't strong enough to bend or break him but then Phil Coulson entered his life. Turning his life upside-down.

Suddenly his whole life focused on the older man and after he left, all he ever fought for shattered around him into tiny pieces.

He'd fought to find his place in life, he'd fought to find a home, and SHIELD offered him a place to stay in addition to a job he was good at.

SHIELD offered him a family but was he worth it? Was he worth the trouble he caused with his breakdown? Would they look at him in disgust? Pity? He didn't detect changes in their manners but they were as good at pretending as he was. Clint had to be careful and observant in the future.

A soft groan disrupted his thoughts "Coulson?"

The older man began to grow nervous.

He sweated and seemed tense "Wake up" Clint shook his shoulder.

Phil didn't wake "Coulson" he repeated as Phil's nightmare continued "SIR"

Coulson opened his eyes and sat up "Clint?" he mumbled, breathing heavily.

"Coulson, it's fine" Clint eyed him.

"Clint, no" he seemed disorientated.

"I'm here, sir and I'm not going anywhere" Barton placed a hand on Phil's chest and shoved him backwards "It was just a nightmare"

"Sorry I woke you" he was coherent enough by now to understand what happened.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clint offered, he was worried.

"No" Phil closed his eyes "go back to sleep"

Clint was surprised but decided not to ask any more questions.

::::::::::::::

"Good morning Clint" Thor greeted "Steve made pancakes, we left you some in the fridge"

"Thank you" Clint had snuck out of bed. He wasn't sure if Phil was too tired to notice or if he pretended to sleep.

"How are you feeling?" Thor eyed him.

"I'm fine" Clint took the plate out of the fridge and put it into the microwave.

"You don't seem fine to me" the god stared at him.

"Believe it or not" he took his pancakes and pretended to be hungry.

Being hungry was always a good sign.

Thor watched him eat and it seemed he was satisfied with what he saw, at least for a while.

"I'm glad you're eating again my friend" he gave him a strong clap on the back before he strolled out of the kitchen.

"Ouch" Clint rubbed his shoulder; it was still bruised and sore.

"Do you want some scrambled eggs?" Phil's voice appeared behind him.

"No, I'm not really hungry" it was useless to lie, Phil could see right through him.

"But I am" he got a pan and started working.

"You look tired, sir" he wouldn't give in; he had to sort this situation out before he could confront the possibility of a relationship.

'Sir' Phil suppressed a sigh, he felt physically sick every time he heard the word.

There was a time where Clint used the word as an endearment.

He always wondered how such a formal word could sound so enchanting and meaningful.

"Please don't call me sir" Clint could see his back stiffen "not that way"

"I'll think about it" Clint picked at his food, analyzing what the hidden message was behind Phil's words.

Phil remained silent for a long time, avoiding Clint's gaze.

He could feel his eyes drill into his back.

"Do you want to train a little?" Phil broke his silence, Clint wasn't in any condition to train but a little exercise couldn't hurt, his bow could do wonders to his wellbeing.

"I'd like that" Clint took his eyes off his superior.

"But you have to eat your pancakes" Phil ordered in a loving tone.

Clint remained silent but did as he was told. The gentleness in Phil's words had touched his heart and the offer to train was nothing Phil would offer under other circumstances.

Clint wasn't quite sure why Coulson made an exception.

They sat together in silence, the atmosphere wasn't comfortable at all but they hadn't something to say either.

Phil hoped he could prove the honesty of his intention via actions in addition to his words and Clint was ashamed of what he did and wasn't sure how to act.

Barton didn't feel the urge to jump off of the roof anymore but he wasn't happy to be alive either.

He had acted out of an impulse and that was something he rarely did.

Normally, he knew what he does and he always had a backup plan to prove life his worth but this time he had nothing.

He played the perfect little soldier people wanted him to be, he kept his distance to give Phil time to calm down and he even apologized but nothing was good enough.

Just as he decided to set himself free Phil returned.

That was not fair, Clint knew life was never fair but that was a splendid-achievement of whoever decided to torture him all his life.

Clint tried to remember what he thought up there, why was he there in the first place?

He couldn't remember what exactly drove him to that point.

"What are you thinking about?" Phil's curious gaze sent a shiver down his spine.

"Not important"

"It's bothering you a great deal so that makes it important" Phil continued to eat, hoping it would seem less like interrogation.

"I-" Clint put his fork down "I don't know" he waited for a good scolding or at least an irritated glare but Phil just smiled at him "We'll figure it out then"

Clint nodded "I don't know what I feel anymore"

"What do you feel now?" Phil hoped he wasn't pushing too hard.

"Cold" Clint continued to eat after Phil gestured to him to pick his fork up.

The older man nodded "I can keep you warm if you want me to. If it's still too early please feel free to tell me so"

Clint thought about it "A little warmth can't hurt" he said unsure "I think"

"Okay" Phil gave him one of the smiles Clint liked so much.

After they finished their breakfast, Phil led him into the huge garden where Tony had constructed a firing range for Hawkeye.

Clint took his bow and an arrow "Ow" he tried to strain the string but his shoulder and rips made it difficult to do it right "Damn" he sighed frustrated.

Suddenly Phil put his hands on Clint's and provided the strength and agility he lacked at the moment.

Clint could feel Phil's chest against his back "Teach me" the older man said into his ear, breath tickling against Clint's skin.

"We have to hold it steady and strain the string like … that" he waited for Phil to pull their intertwined hands until he reached the perfect position.

"And now?" Phil concentrated on the goal.

"We let the arrow fly" they let go of the string.

Dead center.

"You've got talent" Clint felt good with Phil's arms around him.

"I have a great teacher" Phil treasured the moment and absorbed every detail.

"I think I should teach you how to use a bow" Clint said suddenly, dead serious.

"Clint?" he was surprised by Clint's outburst.

"It's useful to have a variety of weapons to choose from" Clint guided their hands to a second arrow.

"I'm good with guns" Phil said concentrating on the goal "and my hand to hand combat isn't bad either" they fired the second one.

"That's not the point but I'm not here forever. I can't protect you forever and I think you should learn to protect yourself from afar. A sweet little nest somewhere outside of harms reach" Clint stated.

Phil took the bow and put it down before he took hold of Clint's hand again, crossing their arms in front of Clint's chest "I failed to protect you" Phil said gently "and I don't want to imagine a life without you. As a friend or, hopefully one day,… more. I want you to be around as long as I live. I don't need your protection all I need is YOU"

Clint leaned back into the embrace and closed his eyes.

Phil's voice was so soft and heat radiated from him with every touch and word. Clint didn't feel as cold as before "You made me go"

"I know and I can't say how sorry I am" Phil rubbed his cheek against Hawkeye's "I was an asshole and I … I can't find the words to explain why I did what I did. I understand if you can't forgive me for what I've done because I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you but I hope that we find a way to start anew one day"

"I don't feel so cold anymore" was all Clint said after a few long seconds.

::::::::::::::::

Clint was true to his word and taught Phil how to use a bow and the older man wasn't bad at all. Clint made a huge secret out of the fact that Phil knew how to use a bow and he made the older man promise not to tell anyone because it was better to keep a few talents hidden.

"Hey Clint" Tony approached him "Do you want to join me? I'm heading for my workshop and could use a hand"

"No, thank you" Clint continued to type something on his laptop.

"Are you sure? I mean we rarely talk anymore and I thought we could use the time we are alone to reconnect" Tony eyed him.

"Next time" Clint looked at Tony, he seemed determined to spend some time with Clint.

"Tell Coulson I don't need a babysitter while he's gone" bullseye, Clint thought as Tony's expression changed.

"I'm here because I want to be here with you. To be honest we almost beat the crap out of each other to get the chance to be around you" Tony exaggerated just a little.

"You don't need a schedule to talk to me" Clint said defensive.

"No but we think it's too much for you to keep up with all of us at the same moment" Tony sat down next to him "You know that we're a bunch of nutcases and we tend to fight, mostly with words when we're all together"

"You think our regular banter could push me over the edge" Clint said hurt.

"I think that we need to show you how much we care, everyone of us and you know damn well that we tend to push too far. I once implied that you're not intelligent because you never went to college and I could see the hurt in your eyes. I didn't mean it as an honest insult because I know how intelligent you are. You don't need a diploma to be clever and you my friend proved that fact again and again" Tony praised.

"Because I learned these things the hard way" Clint didn't feel clever at all because he was stupid enough to think no one cared.

"That you did but I would like to know more about you" Tony was honest "I would like to know where you lived, how your life had been and so on"

Clint looked at him for while before he decided to risk it. He told him everything about his years in the orphanage, Carson Carnival of Travelling Wonders and his first years at SHIELD.

It felt strange to confine in Tony but it didn't feel wrong "So you're an assassin for SHIELD not just a superhero" Tony knew SHIELD did things he never wanted to be part of but it was hard to imagine that Clint was an assassin. Hawkeye was one of them; he was a hero and fought for a better world. It was against his believes but he knew that assassinations were a big part of their daily life. Scientists, Agents and bystanders disappeared day after day without a trace.

"Yes, they pay me to kill" Clint confessed.

"I have a hard time to believe that you're able to murder someone" Tony mused.

"I don't kill innocents all of my victims committed crimes but sometimes I have to kill people I don't really wanna hurt" Clint looked down.

"You said you do not kill innocents"

"They aren't innocent but not guilty either. They're something in the middle, scientists for example. They work for the bad guys but they believe their work will do some good, or they don't really know for whom they're working. We can't rehabilitate everyone so they have to … vanish" Clint wasn't proud of it but he was good at it.

"Sounds harsh" Tony shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"I'm a spy too. I observe and sometimes I have to act. The real spy work is Natasha's job. She's great. I back her up while she draws a secret out of an enemy and Coulson, he's my back up. He keeps me safe and I keep him safe" he changed the topic into something less gory.

"You have it bad" Tony smiled.

"I had it bad" Clint corrected.

"No Clint you still love him" Tony said self-confident.

Clint knew Tony was right; he couldn't stop loving Phil "Yes I do"

"He's worried you know. You scared him shitless and I'm damn sure he'll never leave your site again" Tony stood up "He should be here in five minutes. Don't wait too long to make your decision. Oh and Clint. I tried to die too, I drank and searched for adrenaline in the hope that my misery might end in the process" he pulled Clint into a friendly hug before he left him to meet with Cap, letting Barton alone with what he said. Clint didn't return their little awkward hug he just patted Tony's shoulder as he stepped away but it felt nice nonetheless.

It felt as if Tony's confession took a little weight from his heart.

"How are you today?" Phil settled down next to Clint on their bed.

"Fine" Clint focused on his laptop again.

"Do you know who finished half of my paperwork today?" Phil eyed the younger man with amusement in his eyes.

He had left for a short meeting and after he returned the stack of files he had left on the desk in their bed room had decreased and his email account was surprisingly empty. He'd wondered why Fury warned him to focus on Clint and not his paperwork.

"No clue" Clint finished whatever he was doing, Phil tried to get a glimpse "What are you working on?"

"Maybe I just finished filling out some random requests" Clint looked sheepishly.

"What requests" Phil narrowed his eyes.

"You don't trust me at all, do you?" Clint felt hurt and his eyes shimmered with sadness.

"I do trust you but you're normally the one who causes the paperwork and not the one who handles it" Phil noticed how stressed it sounded what he said.

"I just informed Fury about Campbell's request to stay on the team for a little longer and I ordered the set of improved guns you eyed weeks ago. I had to be fast or you'd have to wait until the next delivery and you know that could take months" Clint said defensive, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Thank you" Phil sighed deeply "I gave in the habit to banter with you, I miss your witty remarks. It wasn't my intention to make you sad" he sat down on the bed.

Clint realized that he was the one who hurt Phil.

The older man tried hard to show him that he cared and with his sorry attempt of normality he tried to lighten the mood between them.

"I'm a little sensitive" Clint confessed, it wasn't fair to lie and they lied enough the last weeks.

"You have every right to be sensitive. Please, tell me if I overstep my boundaries" Phil begged.

Clint nodded curtly with a little smile "Do you want to train today or tomorrow morning?"

Phil suppressed a yawn and smiled instead "You take the training seriously. Let's go then"

"We can do it tomorrow" Clint noticed the hidden yawn "and of course I take it seriously, it's your life archery could safe one day"

Phil rubbed his eyes "Tomorrow sounds good"

Coulson looked like a child when he rubbed his eyes like that and Clint liked it "What was the meeting about?"

"Negotiations between us and the government of Atlantis, I hate aristocracy" Phil changed his clothes.

Clint huffed "and you said it was a short meeting. You were there the whole day weren't you?"

"Almost" Phil lowered his gaze for a moment "You seem tired too"

"I'm not, not really" Clint closed his laptop and put it away, Phil couldn't sleep when the room wasn't dark.

"What have you done the whole day?" Phil kept his tone light.

"I sorted through your paperwork and chatted with Tony. You don't have to ask them to babysit"

"I didn't want to leave you alone and they volunteered to keep an eye on you" Phil rushed, blushing slightly.

"You worry too much" Clint said, rolling to his side with his back to Phil.

"Don't get me wrong but I have many reasons to worry" Phil put an arm around Clint's waist but he kept enough distance between their bodies to not make Clint nervous.

"I know" Clint gave in "National security, the lives of your men, the Avengers and I"

"I'm worried day in and day out" Phil illuminated "What happens today? Can we beat whatever we have to face? Can I safe my men? Can I safe the people I love most?"

"There are only two reasons for me to fret about: Natasha and you. Okay three I'm kinda fond of my fellow teammates" Clint's posture stiffened while he confessed his feelings.

"Nice to know you still worry about me" Clint could hear the smile in Phil's voice.

"I'll always worry about you that's, why I teach you archery" Clint was surprised how playful his own voice sounded.

"Thank you" Phil mumbled.

Clint put his hand on top of Phil's after the older man had fallen asleep. He felt a tingling feeling in his stomach while he lay there and held Phil's hand. That was what he always wanted but now that he had it, it appears like a dream or rather wishful thinking. A part of his mind knew Phil loved him but the other part cautioned to be careful and not gullible.

Clint had needed a while to fall asleep because of his straying mind and Phil's twitching hand had pulled him out of his dreamless sleep.

"Coulson?" Clint blinked the sleep away "Hey"

Phil tossed and turned in his sleep "Clint" he mumbled.

Barton switched on the light to get a better look at the older man, a few tears were streaming down his face "Coulson wake up" he shook Phil.

Phil jolted awake, panting "Where?" he asked disorientated.

"You're safe" Clint switched off the light again to spare Phil the embarrassment of his tears.

Phil grabbed Clint's hand and clung to it for dear life "I'm sorry I woke you again" he rubbed his tears away with his free hand.

Clint felt the urge to pull Phil into his arms but wasn't sure if the gesture would be welcome and he wasn't sure if he was ready to cross one of the lines between co-worker, friend and lover "Do you want to talk about it?" he offered instead.

"No" Phil shook his head "Go back to sleep" he turned away from Clint.

Clint missed Phil's warmth around his waist but he understood that Phil needed some space after his nightmare.

::::::::::::::::

"Coulson?" Clint peeked into their room "I made breakfast"

Phil groaned and rubbed his eyes, he was still tired "How late is it?"

"7 a.m." Clint said gently "You have two hours left"

"I don't want to attend that meeting" he almost whined "Six hours, when I'm lucky"

"That long?" Clint frowned "What the hell are you guys scheming?"

"I don't think you want to know" Phil sat up, Clint admired his bare upper body "but I promise to do what I can to get them off your back" he hinted.

"It's a black ops mission isn't it?" Clint knew Phil hated it whenever he worked black ops missions.

"Yeah" Phil got dressed "I don't think you're ready. Don't look at me like that, I know you can do it and I know you'll succeed but I want to spare you the emotional turmoil"

"They'll clear me for duty in three days, there is nothing you can do" Clint pursed his lips "Don't even think about it" he knew the look on Phil's face.

"You can read me like an open book" Phil sighed "Don't worry I will not stand in your way. I gave Nick my report yesterday. I think you're fit for duty"

"Does he believe you?"

"No, but I believe in you and that's enough" Phil patted Clint's shoulder before he left their room.

"Why are you so god damn kind hearted at times" Clint crossed his arms.

Phil ignored the statement "Just do me one favor, don't get yourself shot"

Clint nodded. He didn't want to die and disappointing Phil was something he wanted to do even less.

"Good" Phil ate.

"You have to make a promise too" Clint finally said.

"That is?"

"Do not die either" the archer was serious.

"I promise" they both knew they made promises they might not be able to keep but they would try.

"So can you tell me bits and pieces about the meeting?" Clint was curious.

Phil smirked "Nope"

"Thought so" Clint pouted "Be home at 6 p.m., we have to catch up on your training. I let you sleep this morning but I don't let you off the hook again"

"I'll be there" Phil promised.

Clint watched the older man and worried about his health. He ate less than normal and he looked pale. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to darken day by day.

"These nightmares are taking a toll on him" Clint mumbled on his way back to his room.

"Hey Clint" Steve yelled.

"Hi Steve" he wasn't in the mood for a conversation, he preferred to brood about Coulson and his lack of sleep.

"How are you?" the blond asked.

"I'm fine" Clint said and crossed his arms "Spill it"

"What?"

"I know you want something" Clint knew him well enough.

"I want to make sure you're okay" Steve said honestly "I'm worried"

"Don't be" Clint's tone softened "I'll be fine in no time"

"I hope so, son" Steve ruffled Clint's hair.

"Hey, stop that old man" he swatted Steve's hand away.

"I'm heading to the gym and thought you might want to join me" Steve grinned.

"I would like that" Clint followed him with a smile.


	6. Duty calls, black ops

"Nick" Coulson approached the man after the meeting "Is it really necessary?"

"There is no other way we need a sniper and he's clever. In addition to that Frank will put up less of a fight. He likes Clint" Fury explained.

"Okay" Phil couldn't save Clint from the mission "but why do we need the Avengers too?"

"It's a cooperation project; we need both teams to get a hold on Cash especially now that he's working together with Red skull"

"How did that happen anyway" Phil couldn't believe that they worked together. They were both strong enough not to depend on each other but informants swore on their lives that they were working together.

"Don't ask me Phil" Fury rubbed his face "but I know we will go down in case we don't get a huge team together"

"They aren't ready" Phil blurted out "Steve and Tony, Bruce. They are Heroes not black ops agents. I'm afraid that the mission might be too much to bear. I mean we play pretty dirty"

"We have no choice, they have to suck it up and live with it" Nick stated.

"I inform Clint and the others" Phil turned around to leave as Fury stopped him.

"Are you okay?" the man asked worried, Phil was one of his oldest friends.

"Yeah, why?"

"Be honest with me" he warned.

"I have nightmares every god damn night but I think it will work out for us" Phil prayed for it.

"I'll keep an eye on you" Nick told him "and in case you take too long making up I'll kick both your asses"

Phil chuckled "Oh I know you will. I'm still surprised you didn't interfere till now"

"Natasha would have my ass" Fury joked "She made it pretty clear"

"She reminds me of your ex-wife" Phil smirked.

"Ha,ha,ha" Nick mocked "and now go" he shooed him out of his office.

:::::::::::

"What's so urgent that you have to rush that much, I tried to nap" Tony yawned.

He was awake for the last 37 hours and hoped to get some sleep soon.

They gathered around the large conference table in one of Tony's offices.

"I have news you'll probably don't like at all. In truth that's an understatement you will hate them as much as I do" Phil began "We've got a high priority mission and uhm…" it wasn't easy to explain kind hearted people how the people worked they had to work with.

"Do you mean they'll join us?" Clint asked shocked.

"Phil they can't do that, it's not right" Natasha looked from Steve to Tony while she talked.

"We have no choice" Phil explained "Red Skull aligned with Hulk"

Steve and Tony looked at Bruce "Not him" Natasha shook her head "but his mentor, the 'first' Hulk. He changed his name to Tyron Cash"

"Oh my, isn't that great" Tony rubbed his forehead "what does that mean for us?"

"You have to join black ops" Phil said matter of fact.

Natasha snorted and Clint chuckled almost hysterically "I can't imagine them with black ops" he said.

"Me neither but it's necessary" Phil pressed his lips together.

"Why, aren't we cool enough for your little club?" Tony said annoyed.

"What do you guys think black ops is?" Clint huffed.

"A special unit?" Steve offered.

"Correct old man" Clint looked Steve in the eye "Steve, black ops is nothing compared to the Avengers. We spy out and kill without hesitation"

"Clint is right" Natasha looked thoughtful "You have to get used to a tremendous amount of violence"

"We stop them and kick their asses. What's so different?" Bruce chimed in, Tony was rubbing off on him.

"You will see" Phil knew they wouldn't understand until they were right in the middle of the fight "Fury tries to gather more information but once he gets a lead we have to leave immediately so don't make any plans in the near future"

:::::::::::::

"Coulson wait" Clint stopped the older man "Will you be there?"

"Yes I think I will" he wanted to be there if Nick was okay with it or not.

"Please stay here" the archer almost begged.

"I don't leave your side" Phil was serious.

"I've got a bad feeling, please stay behind" Red Skull was a bad omen.

"I'm sorry but no" Phil continued to walk, ignoring Clint calling him by his surname a few times and begging him to stop.

"PHIL" the older agent stopped in his tracks, it was the first time since their fall out that he called him by his name "Don't forget, 6 p.m., firing range. Be on time" was all, the archer said before he left. Phil felt a stabbing pain in his chest, the worry and the hint of affection Clint tried to hide from his voice hit deep into his heart.

How often had he prayed for the day Clint got over their fight, and now it might be their end.

He hit the wall next to him in frustration "That will end badly" Coulson hissed.

"Seems your little talk didn't go well" Nick leaned against the doorframe of his office.

"They have no idea what they've gotten themselves into" Phil took a deep breath "Clint and Natasha are right they aren't black ops material. They are our showpiece heroes. They fight against aliens, gods and middle class villains but not against normal people and nutcases like Red Skull"

"It was a matter of time for them to grow up" Fury said "You can't protect them from evil; it's their job to protect the world"

"I know. I just hope they don't turn against us once they figured out what happens behind the scene"

"We have to wait and see" Nick shrugged "and now follow me. I'm hungry and Maria said there's lasagna on the menu today"

Phil sighed deeply and followed his friend.

::::::::::::

"Clint?" Phil was ten minutes early but knowing Clint, the archer was already there.

"We have to hurry" he carried bow and quiver "You have to learn how to use the different arrowheads"

"You're overreacting" Phil smiled slightly annoyed.

"I'm not. You don't want to stay home, fine, but you have to prove that I can leave you out of my sight" Clint rushed.

Phil felt warm as he heard Clint use the term 'home' "I'm by far longer an agent than you and I know how to protect myself"

"They are different" Clint looked at him for the first time "I fought against Red Skull once. He's scary and so utterly different than others. He's the devil himself and he will wipe us out like flies in case we are not prepared. Even if we're prepared he will smash us"

"You don't believe in our victory?!" Phil approached the younger man.

"I have a bad feeling. I can feel that we'll fail or at least pay a high price" he looked troubled.

Phil pulled him into a tight embrace "We will not fail. I can't promise all of us are coming home but I will fight for my life and yours"

"That's what I'm afraid of" Clint clung to Phil's shirt for dear life.

"I don't want to lose you again" Phil whispered.

Clint looked into Phil's eyes and saw love and sadness in the older man's eyes "I forgive you" he wouldn't go to war with any lose ends "Phil"

Coulson felt like crying and after a long moment he realized that he actually was "and I forgive you for scaring me" he chuckled sadly.

"I love you Phil Coulson" Clint pulled him into a kiss.

"and I love you Clint Barton" Phil panted "Show me how to use the arrowheads properly" his thumb caressed Clint's cheek bone.

"Thank you" Clint sighed relieved before he gave Phil detailed instructions.

:::::::::::::::

"What do you want to eat?" Phil opened the fridge.

"You" Clint eyed Phil's butt while the older man bent forwards to grab a bottle of juice.

"You have to eat dinner first before you get dessert" Phil raised a brow, but was pleased to hear that Clint wanted him.

"Just spaghetti, please" Clint rested his head on his hands "I like it when you take care of me"

"I like to take care of you but it would be nice if you didn't actually need it for real" Phil was a mother-hen.

"I'm working on it" Clint grinned and they both knew it was a lie.

"Sure" Phil snorted "Are you well enough for a black ops mission?" the question had a firm hold on his heart the whole day.

"No, but do we have a choice?" Clint was honest.

"No, no we haven't" Phil approached the younger man "Almost five weeks" he mumbled while he placed a hand on top of Clint's head "Almost five weeks ago you've tried to leave"

"I don't want to leave anymore, I'm pretty sure. I've got someone to fight for" Clint swallowed hard "You proved that it's worth fighting for you"

"I offer my love to you freely you never have to fight for it or earn it. It's all yours" Phil took his hand away as the water boiled and put the spaghetti in it.

"You too, you know. You don't have to try so hard to get my love" Clint took a shaky breath "My heart is yours, since the day fate let our paths cross"

"Why did you do it?" Phil avoided his gaze.

"I tell you when I can ask a question in return"

"Okay" Phil agreed.

"I acted on an impulse. I felt like life went too far this time. I always tried so hard to find my place in life and I had to endure a lot. I was so proud that I came this far but suddenly this feeling was gone. I- I felt alone and I acted" Clint seemed lost in thoughts.

"You can stop to wreck your brain" Phil said gently "I'm thankful you gave me an insight"

"It's so hard to explain" Clint looked at Phil.

"I know and you can continue sometime else, when it's easier to put it into words" Phil offered.

Clint nodded.

"Your turn" Phil put the sauce into a bowl.

"Your nightmares" Clint studied the older man "They make you sick"

"I dream about you" Phil stated.

"Me?"

"I see you fall and I can still feel the fabric of your vest against my fingertips. I was too slow and couldn't reach you in time, your life slipped, literally, through my fingers. I dream that Tony wasn't there to catch you and your body hit the asphalt, hard" his hands shook.

Clint stood up and guided Phil to a chair "Sit down" Phil obeyed.

The archer spread his legs and settled down on Phil's lap, his knees pressed against Coulson's hip. He cupped Phil's cheeks with his hands "I'm here" Clint said gently "I'm terribly sorry for scaring you. Sometimes I see your face in my dreams; the expression on your face is something I don't want to see ever again"

"So don't give me a reason" Phil tilted his head back "I can't take it"

Clint put his arms around Phil and took him into a tight embrace his head rested on Phil's shoulder "We gonna crash and burn together… if we have to go down then hand in hand"

"I prefer walking out of it, hand in hand" Phil finally returned the embrace.

"It was just for the worst case scenario" Clint chuckled softly "I wanted to say that we will never part again"

"When did that happen?" Phil said cryptically.

"What happened?"

"When did we fall for each other that hard? Don't deny it; I've got it bad and you too" Phil kissed Clint's temple.

"I honestly don't know" Clint enjoyed Phil's warm body against his own. He felt the knot in his stomach loosen and a few tears found their way down his cheeks.

"You know, black ops does have a few little advantages" Phil pressed his own cheek against Clint's; he decided it was the best choice to let him cry.

"How come" Clint tried to keep his breathing steady while he clung harder to Phil's shirt, he wasn't sure why he shed these tears but it felt good.

"Because I like your uniform and I love it when you carry your guns. I know you don't like them much but it's damn sexy" Phil confessed, keeping his tone gentle.

"You like the uniform hmm?!" Clint chuckled lightly, he felt warm and loved in Phil's arms "You do know that I have my uniform here?!"

"That must have slipped my mind" a little smirked found its way on Phil's lips.

"I like you most in boxers" Clint loved to see Phil shirtless.

"Just in boxers, I think that can be arranged" Phil said but didn't move; he felt comfortable the way they held each other.

"Hell yeah, that's about time" Natasha sheered as she entered the kitchen, it wasn't her intention to ruin the comfortable mood they were in but Tony and the others were on their way.

Clint sighed deeply before he turned his head to look at her, not getting up at all "Let them see it Nat, I don't mind"

"Me neither" Phil smiled at her "thank you for your help"

"You're welcome, you would have done the same" she knew he thanked her for keeping an eye on Clint and him during all these weeks.

"Yeah" Clint confirmed.

"Hey Natasha we…." Tony trailed off.

"I'll be damned" Steve stared at them "Son, you could have told me that you were back together"

"And what exactly would you have done, ol' man?" Clint asked slightly amused, not really surprised that they all knew so much about them.

"I would have taken him aside to make sure it stays that way" he pointed at Phil.

"Thank you" Phil said annoyed, knowing that Cap meant a lecture.

"Do you guys harmonize with each other again or do we have to get the artillery? Just in case you blow up on each other" Tony eyed them with a smirk "OW" he rubbed his arm where Natasha had punched him.

"I love you Nat" Clint smiled broadly, he loved them all.

"I'm happy that you're fine" Steve said truthful "but I hope you know that you can come to me whenever you need someone to talk"

"I know" Clint said, weeks ago he might had doubted their intention but they showed him what he meant to them. He was more than a fellow teammate; he was a friend and part of their little family.

"We planned a T.V. night, would you like to join us?" Natasha asked while she rummaged through the fridge for something to eat.

"We'd love to" Clint watched her "Stop eying the chocolate pudding and take it already, you won't burst your uniform because you ate pudding"

She huffed and took the bowl. The others laughed.

::::::::::::::::

"It's time to go" Phil gathered them together "We have a lead"

"Where are we going?" Tony asked.

"A little village in Asia" was the short reply "You've got an hour before we have to be at headquarter"

"Why an hour?" Tony asked "I thought we just fly there instantly"

"We have to pick up more people" Phil avoided his gaze.

"What kind of people?" Steve narrowed his eyes.

"Old friends and foes" Phil shrugged.

"That's not an answer" Cap nagged.

"You'll see" Phil grabbed a bag and headed for the door.

"Now, I'm worried" Tony rubbed his goatee.

"Maybe we're overreacting" Steve sighed "Let's get our stuff"

Nick waited for them on the roof of HQ in front of a transport shuttle "Nice of you to show up" he looked at his watch, they were two minutes late.

"Traffic?" Tony joked before he boarded.

Nick shook his head and followed.

"Let me introduce you to the Punisher and Blade" Nick said bored.

"Where's Clint, Natasha and Coulson?" Steve frowned.

"They're on board of the helicarrier with the rest of the team" Fury explained.

"and who might that be?" Tony grunted.

"Wasp, Ant-man, Spiderman and Wolverine" Nick summarized.

"You're kidding, right?" Tony's eyes widened.

"No, I'm not" Nick said annoyed "we need them"

"Why are you here?" Steve looked at Punisher "you seem to be less than happy to be here"

"I don't like working for S.H.I.E.L.D but they can … be persuasive" Frank stated.

"You're not here of your own free will?" Steve looked at Nick, sharply.

Frank just shrugged "I'm used to it and it's nice meeting old friends"

Blade huffed "You just want to hang out with Hawkeye"

"Maybe" Frank crossed his arms in front of his chest "I owe him and he's nice to be around"

"Just admit you consider him a friend" Blade smirked.

"Fine. He's a friend, my only friend. Satisfied" Frank spat.

"Actually, yeah" the hunter grinned, he liked to annoy his on and off partner.

"How long do you know Hawkeye?" Frank looked at Blade "A few years, three I think"

"I think four" Blade corrected "Do you remember the dealer we took out after we first met at S.H.I.E.L.D?"

"Yeah, you're right" Frank agreed.

"You're married aren't you?" Tony stated dryly.

"What?"Frank stuttered.

Blade almost fell out of his seat "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"You're acting like an old couple, I mean there is just something about you that screams old couple" Tony explained.

"We are not" Frank said, they weren't even able to keep their relationship alive for more than three months in a row.

"Not yet" Stark pursed his lips and raised his brows slightly.

Nick smirked "We reached the helicarrier, so get your stuff and follow me"

Their briefing was short and they didn't meet the others because they got briefed before the Avengers had arrived.

"Hey, you're Captain America. I can't believe I'm meeting you" Wasp shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you too Miss?" Steve gazed at Tony for help but he shrugged.

"I'm Wasp" she looked him up and down "You can call me Janet or Jen. I'm not that famous, yet" she winked.

"I see you finally met the Captain" a man approached them "Hi I'm ant-man, call me Hank"

"Nice to meet you Hank" Steve greeted.

"Mr. Stark, it's an honor meeting you too" Hank shook Tony's hand enthusiastically.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Pym" Tony read about the man in front of him.

"Isn't it cute" Natasha mocked "Come on people you're adults"

"Let them be" Coulson said "I remember your first meeting with…" she put her hand over his mouth "Don't you dare" she hissed.

"Uhuhh" Tony clicked his tongue "sounds like you're quite a dear"

"Don't forget what I'm capable of Stark" she grinned at him.

"Oh I know but I think you need me, or rather my money so my life should be safe for a while" he nodded to himself.

"Tony" Steve sighed.

"Who's that?" Bruce spoke up for the first time, eying a man in the corner of the room, involved in a discussion with Peter.

"Come over" Phil ordered, the man obeyed.

His face was hidden and his eyes covert by red glasses and in addition to that he was armed to his teeth "Wow, look at these guns" the engineer within Tony admired.

"Pretty aren't they?" Nick said proud "Believe it or not but we are capable of designing our own weapons"

Tony snorted but had to admit that they did a decent work.

The man put his arm around Phil and whispered something; Coulson smiled at him "Are you flirting with him?" Bruce blinked confused, Tony just glared at Phil "No" Coulson replied.

"Are you sure?" Tony asked.

"Pretty sure, yes" Coulson nodded.

"HEY HAWKEYE" Frank yelled after he entered the room, the man turned around.

Their jaws dropped "Clint?" Tony whispered.

Frank gave Clint a strong pat on the back "Whom else?" Frank asked confused.

"They only know my day-time outfit" Clint grinned behind his mask "Nice to see you pal, how're things going?"

"Ah you know blood and thunder" Frank said bored.

"Well, you'll never run out of jobs" Clint nodded.

"How can you talk about it as if it were nothing? Oh just a part-time job you know, killing, slashing, tear someone into pieces" Tony said sarcastically "and are you really our Hawkeye?"

"We kill for a living. Doesn't mean we have to love it" Hawkeye's tone saddened "and yes I am Clint Barton"

"Where is your bow?" Bruce searched for it.

"This mission requires a little more force" he said carefully "but my bow isn't far away in case I need it"

"I can't believe it's you" Tony eyed him "Weapons, you don't even like them"

"Sometimes it's necessary but it doesn't mean I have to like them" Clint looked at Frank "he loves guns, and blades" he emphasized blades.

"Ha-ha, great joke but yes I like guns and I can't use a bow even when my life depends on it" Frank rolled his eyes "But aside from you no one can"

They could see a small smile behind the mask "Now the praise got to his head" Coulson put a hand on Clint's shoulder "Come on pretty boy we've got a job to do" Clint put a hand on Phil's hip and followed him after he bid goodbye.

"I thought Hawkeye looks different" Wasp frowned.

"He does, normally" Steve said, not sure what to think about the 'second' Hawkeye.

"He's still the same" Nick said confident "I know him for a long time and I know him well, he is the kind of guy you think he is"

"One question Fury" Tony frown deepened. Natasha raised a brow "Don't you believe him? He's right about Clint"

"Don't worry I think I believe him for now but I want to ask something else. Are you and Clint friends?"

"What, do you think I'm not able to make friends?" Nick huffed.

"Yes, exactly. I actually can't imagine how you make and keep friends" Tony mocked.

"Believe it or not Mr. Stark but I have friends. Ms. Romanoff, Barton and Coulson for example" Nick looked at Natasha in need for a way out. She grinned but took pity on him "We have to get ready sir"

"You're right" he led her out of the room to make a few last preparations before they reached their destination.

"I think I'm going insane" Tony put a hand on his forehead to make sure he wasn't in some kind of delirium.

"Clint with guns, Fury and friends, and a ship full of nutcases" Steve sighed "that will be interesting"

"I like these nutcases" Maria appeared behind them.

"Because you're their superior nutcase?" Tony grinned.

"Funny Stark. They are useful and it's never boring working with them" she explained "now excuse me. Clint is wearing one of Phil's favorite uniforms and when I'm lucky I catch them somewhere in flagrante. Are you joining me?" she looked at someone behind Bruce.

"Hell, yeah" Colonel Danver said enthusiastic.

"Great" Maria took her hand and dragged her out of the room.

"I think Clint was right" Bruce rubbed his chin.

"What with?" Tony asked.

"We aren't made for the job" Bruce looked around "Look at them. They're going to war but they have lots of fun nonetheless, as if everything is fine"

"You get, let's call it, 'used' to it. You don't want to but it happens one day. You don't see everything so seriously anymore and a little fun here and there keeps up the morale" Blade appeared out of nowhere.

"How can you get used to it?" Steve asked.

"You tell me soldier. You went to war" Blade gave him a curious gaze.

"You have a point" Steve had to admit "I think they saw and did even more than I ever had to"

"Take Hawkeye for an example. His background is more than unpleasant. They planted a chip inside his head to control him; they forced him to do what they wanted and one day he was a great soldier, loyal to the friends he made. He helped Frank escape that's why the Punisher adores your little bird. They have a lot in common" Blade sipped on his drink "I was forced to join too but Frank and I aren't soldier material so they let us be unless they're desperate"

"You mean Hawkeye doesn't want to be here?" Steve narrowed his eyes.

"He wants to be here. He just had to find out where he belonged the hard way. If he wanted to leave he would have done so long ago. I'm pretty sure he'd never leave without widow and the agent" Blade raised his glass and nodded curtly before he left.

"Crazy guy" Tony blinked.

"Isn't he half vampire?" Bruce stated.

"Uhm" Steve grimaced "I need a drink"

Tony chuckled "The whole op will be interesting. What do you think Cap, do we have time for a little 'work out' before we reach our destination?" Tony wriggled his brows.

Bruce groaned and left.

"I think we have one or two hours left for a little fun" Steve grinned; he could continue to worry after he got laid.

"Great" Tony cheered.

They walked along the corridors, not really interested in a quick fuck before hell breaks loose but it was the easiest way to get rid of Bruce.

Tony spied Maria on a table together with Danver, they seemed thoughtful and they talked about something serious.

"Seems like they say goodbye" Tony blurted out.

Steve looked at him "Who?"

"Maria" he pointed at the two women.

"So they lied when they said they search for Clint and Phil" Steve wasn't surprised.

"Seems so" Tony eyed them for a while before they continued to walk.

"Wait" Steve took Tony's arm and stopped him "Look"

"Oh" Tony hid behind a corner "Are they saying goodbye too?"

"I think so" Steve realized that they all had lied. The S.H.I.E.L.D agents, the heroes, just everyone, put up a masquerade to hide their black despair.

"They aren't cool with killing" Tony stated "Seems like a protection mechanism. I think our little vampy was right"

Steve nodded while he continued to watch Clint and Phil "Gallows humor"

Clint looked out a huge window on the upper-deck; Phil stood behind the younger man and had his arms tight around Clint's upper body. Clint leaned against the older man's chest while he placed his hands on Phil's.

Phil whispered something into the archer's ear and got a soft chuckle in return. There was no humor or happiness in Clint's tone but the way they stood together told a story of devotion, love and comfort.

"We have to protect them" Tony interrupted Steve's musing.

"We have to protect ourselves too" Steve glared at Tony.

"I don't mean we have to die for them but we have to try" Tony returned his attention back to the couple "Weren't you the one who said I wouldn't sacrifice myself for the higher good, anyway"

"Geez, you'll never let me live this down, will you?" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Nope" Tony gave him a cheeky grin.

"Thought so" Steve put a hand on Tony's neck and dragged him along "Let's find a quiet place to find our own peace of mind", Tony nodded and followed.

:::::::::::

"Phil" Clint said, it was neither a statement nor a question. He just felt the urge to say it out loud.

"Hmm?" Phil hummed against Clint's ear.

"I'm scared" the younger man confessed.

"Me too" Phil agreed "but we'll pull through it. We've got Cap and Tony on our side, who's better suited to beat the odds than them"

"They're crazy" Clint watched the clouds pass by "Did you reach Thor?"

"No we still haven't found a way to contact him but we're working on it"

"Great time for a home visit" Clint sighed and hoped Thor would return soon "but I think I know where he is, more or less"

"You do?!" Phil was surprised.

"Find Loki and you find the big blond bloke" Clint grinned.

"I didn't see that one coming"

"Oh, come on. They aren't subtitle about it, you know. I caught them on the roof a few months ago. Creepy" Clint shuddered.

"I think I'll ignore my imagination for now" Phil inhaled Clint's scent "I prefer to dream about you, naked or not naked depends on the dream"

"Does that mean I'm the man of your dreams" Clint batted his lashes.

"I wouldn't go so far, I mean have you seen Cap's ass when he'd bent down to grab the piece of paper?"

Clint lifted his foot and stomped down on Phil's foot "OW" Phil winced.

"Don't you dare to imagine Steve's ass. You belong to me" Clint pouted.

"Nope" Phil disagreed "You are mine"

Clint sighed deeply "I love you, you old fool"

"Love you too" Phil placed a gentle kiss on Clint's cheek "does that mean I don't need to worry that you might die on purpose?"

"That depends" Clint stared out the window.

"Clint" Phil warned, with a hint of panic in his voice.

"We have talked about it" Clint turned around, not breaking the embrace.

Phil's mind raced and Clint sighed "I should have been clearer"

Barton gave Phil a little kiss "I'll fight, as hard as I can but should you decide to fall, I'll seek revenge and jump off the next tower I can find. Did I make myself clear?"

Phil nodded; fear leaving his eyes "You're too devoted to me"

"Is it a bad thing?" Clint eyed him.

"Sometimes" Phil kissed Clint's forehead "Your life doesn't have to end with mine"

"I don't want to lose people I love anymore" Clint confessed "I don't want to search for love over and over again. I don't want to love anyone else. I chose you to be mine and that's final"

"I shouldn't be angry at you" Phil deadpanned "I don't want a life with someone else either"

"Nice to know" Clint patted Phil's chest "Let's find a more private place"

"At your command" Phil smiled and led his lover to his bunk.

"God damn it" Tony hissed as he blocked a laser beam "What the hell are they shooting with?"

"Don't ask me, you're the engineer" Cap panted while he made his way through a row of fifty soldiers.

Tony grunted in response before he jumped behind a tree for cover.

"It reminds me of the last big war" Cap said sadly as a grenade exploded a few meters next to him. Cash and Red Skull had created their own little empire.

"I'm damn happy I wasn't born back then" Clint joined in, providing cover for Natasha and Nick.

"I bet, son" Cap had wished to never been born after he set foot on European ground. They had said that they went to war for the sake of their fatherland; they had said that they would be heroes but no one ever told them that war had nothing heroic.

Soldiers on both sides fell just because selfish and megalomaniac warmongers were born which were driven by false beliefs. He had seen the corpses of Americans and Germans next to each other on the battleground, united by death. Both sides had families, children, sisters, mothers and wives who prayed for their loved ones to come home. It wasn't pretty and he prayed day by day for the end of wars but the human race seems not able to live in peace.

One of the saddest things about war Cap had learned was that the soldiers on the frontline troops weren't the ones who wished for war or shared the beliefs of their leader. The ones who manipulated and pushed against others were the ones who sat safely somewhere within a bunker or camp. Letting children and young adults die for something they didn't even believe in, they had no other choice than to close their eyes and go with it. Steve knew the war was necessary to stop the son of a bitch but the price on both sides was way too high.

He had often asked himself if the war could have been prevented when even more people had stood up against their politicians instead of giving in but in the end he came to the same conclusion again and again. The war was done and what ifs didn't help any of the lost souls.

"War is linked with so many lies" Cap mumbled and knocked a young adult out.

"Geez, Clint watch out" Phil hollered through the mic, he had to stay at base camp and coordinated the mission. He observed the events with drones, equipped with cameras.

"That was a close call, sir" Clint huffed while he shot two freelancers "I could see that" Phil nagged and got a chuckle in return.

"That's not funny" Phil raged.

"No, but you're cute sir" Clint climbed up a ladder.

Phil sighed deeply in resignation "Stark, open the entrance. We can't override the code from here"

"I'm on it boss" Tony hurried to the door.

"Hey, I'm your boss" they could hear Nick's voice.

"Seems like I got more kudos, sir" Phil said dead serious, Nick rolled his eyes "Geez, Phil give me a break"

"Yes, sir" he could hear the smile in Phil's voice.

"I hope they aren't finished with their Hulk/super-soldier mix whatever project" Natasha panted, she took out three burly men.

"Hope so too" Clint broke a guards neck.

"Jesus, was that a neck?" Tony shuddered "Don't talk while you break bones"

"Sorry Ironman" and he sounded indeed sorry.

"It's okay kid" Tony suppressed the sound of a breaking neck which repeated itself within his mind.

"Thor and Loki arrived to help" Phil informed.

"About time…" Fury punched a man in the face.

"Door is open, we can enter the warehouse" Stark left his position to wait for backup.

"Unit one and three enter, unit two provides backup" Fury ordered "Cap, Ironman, Hawkeye, Thor, Punisher and Blade go in. Wasp, Black widow, Logan, Ant-man, spiderman and Loki stay put"

The fight within the warehouse was ugly and messy but they got Cash and Red skull out in the open, right in the arms of Loki and the others.

"Got ya" Tony sighed relieved.

"HAHAHAAA, don't think so" Red Skull had planned this, they realized.

"Say hello to the little army of mine" he pressed a button and fifteen extremely burly and tall men strolled out of the warehouse.

Hulk groaned in frustration but he was ready to strike "Smash clone"

Clint and most of the others joined them while Blade tried to hypnotize Cash with help from Nick and his men.

The battle seemed endless, Tony got hurt inside his armor and his energy system took some damage. Cap hat a laceration above his right eye and his strength left him slowly but steady.

Hulk grew angrier and angrier that made him even more dangerous, even for his friends.

But their ray of hope was that they still had the upper-hand and only three genetic projects were left. Red skulls project was still embryonic and that saved their lives in the end.

Thor brawled with Red Skull while Loki put a shield around them to protect the others.

Clint went down as he got a blow to the head and Phil finally had enough. He grabbed the black bag he carried with him and ran.

Clint was low on ammo and guns were useless against the Red bastard and his army.

Wasp tended to Clint and checked him over "Come on wake up, the thick skull of yours is still intact" Barton stirred before he opened his eyes. He saw double and had to fight back the nausea that threatened to rise, he took off his mask just in case.

"Take deep breaths" she rubbed his back.

"I feel…" he turned his head and emptied his stomach next to Wasp.

"Eww" she moved to the side "Hawkeye"

"Sorry pretty lady" Clint tried to give her a smile.

"Making friends Hawkeye?" Phil tried to catch his breath.

"Hey pretty daddy" his eyes gleamed with mischief; Wasp chuckled and shook her head.

"Remind me to never take him to an old school diner again" Phil said to Wasp.

"Will do sir" she smiled and hoped for the best.

Clint got up, ready to defend his superior but he didn't get far as dizziness overtook him again. Loki got attacked from behind and had to let the shield down to prevent more injuries. Phil took his chance and pulled out the bow and an explosive arrowhead "Breath, slowly, aim… fire" he mumbled. The arrow flew a straight line right into Red Skulls mouth as he started to laugh at Thor who crawled in the dirt in front of him.

Red Skull eyes widened as the arrow slashed through his throat, he knew that was his end. The arrowhead exploded and Red Skull was no more.

"That's all?" Tony gesticulated wildly "A damn arrow to the head"

"Since when … are you an archer?" Nick said shocked.

Tony realized that it wasn't even Clint "the hell" he yelled.

Clint was out cold and Phil held Clint's bow in his hands "Don't you think that's something we should have known?" Steve wiggled his index finger in the direction of the bow.

"Clint insisted to keep it a secret" he shrugged before he returned his attention back to his lover.

"Frank, are you okay?" Blade hurried to the punisher "Yeah just a few bruises and a split lip" he answered frustrated.

"Good" the vampire gave him a hard slap on the back "Ow" Frank frowned angrily at him and got a cheeky smirk in return.

"Loki" Thor hurried to his brother "Loki say something"

"Don't yell" Loki squeezed his eyes shut, his head hurt and the gash on his side burned like fire.

"You need a healer. You're looking terrible" Thor was in his best mother-hen mood.

"You don't look so hot either" Loki grumbled and got slowly on his feet "Pretty shiner" the younger god studied his brother.

"Thank you" Thor said sarcastically but Loki was right he had a huge shiner.

"You're welcome" he rested his palm against Thor's cheek and healed him, the cuts and bruises were gone, even the little gash on his arm.

"You're bleeding pretty heavily, I think it's time to heal yourself" Thor seemed worried.

"I don't have enough strength left to heal myself but you believe in their healers so I have to trust you this time, it feels like poison is running through my veins" he swayed.

Thor picked him up bridal style and got an angry glare "I'm not a damsel in distress, dear brother"

"Like Tony would say: Suck it up" Thor smirked but Loki could see worry in his beautiful eyes.

"I don't say that" Tony huffed; Steve raised a brow "Not indecent enough?"

"Ha-ha Steve" Tony opened his helmet "What are we doing with him?" he pointed at Cash.

"Nothing" Nick shot him, using the chance while Cash was trapped in his original form.

"How's Barton?" he asked afterwards, shocking the Avengers a little with his indifferent behavior.

"He's out cold but I think he'll be fine" Phil seemed not convinced by his own words.

"Medics are on their way" Nick sighed deeply "Who's injured?"

"Bruises, at least one cracked rip and lack of energy" Tony reported "nothing to worry about"

"Bruises, minor cuts, and I'm dead tired" Steve put his shield down before sat down next to it.

"I'm fine and Franky here got a few boo-boo, nothing serious" Blade stated while he pointed at Frank.

"Natasha is unconscious but I don't think it's life threatening" Maria said.

"Loki needs a healer, he's bleeding pretty badly and I think the blade was poisoned" Thor held his now unconscious brother in his arms.

"Can't he heal himself" Nick asked.

"He used his last strength to heal me and the poison seems to be potent" Thor looked at his brother lovingly, he knew human made poison would not kill his brother but it would cause him pain.

"He has it bad for you kid" Logan lightened a cigar "Glad you're not related huh?"

"I'm a god, my rules are law" Thor winked at him, Logan grinned.

Peter frowned at that, incest wasn't his cup of tea but if it made them happy.

Ant-man smirked, sensing Peter's thoughts. His body language gave him away.

"Where's your little Cajun anyway?" Tony asked nonchalantly.

"Home" Logan narrowed his eyes, it wasn't easy to convince Remy to stay behind but they agreed that Logan was better off without him this time. Wolverine was less efficient when he had to worry.

"That's a good place to be" Tony meant it. He liked Gambit and was glad for every friend that stayed away from the op.

"Let me help you" Steve offered, Phil seemed to have some trouble holding Clint upright.

"Thank you" Phil was glad he had someone to share Clint's weight with.

"Are you sure he'll be fine?" Nick eyed the unconscious archer.

"He has a thick skull, he'll be fine in no time" Steve answered.

"You love the kid, do you?" Nick earned a dangerous glare from Phil and snort from Tony.

"I could be his grandpa" Steve huffed "He's… I dunno, my boy"

"So it's settled then" Tony clapped his hands "He's officially adopted into the Stark-Rogers family" he knew how much the archer meant to Steve. If it's because Clint reminds Cap of Bucky or himself he didn't know but Tony couldn't deny that he too grew fond of their younger friend. Tony felt the urge to protect him, why he didn't know but that kind of feeling was rare for him and it meant that he liked a person very much.

"Why not Rogers-Stark?" Steve asked, not denying what Tony had said.

"Because I've got the bigger ego" Stark stated, matter of fact.

"Great" Phil sighed frustrated "Does that mean you're my parents in law?"

Tony and Steve looked at each other for a moment before they turned to Phil "Yes" they said at the same time.

"God help us" Nick muttered under his breath "Where the hell are the medics?" he said louder.

"Here, sir" a middle aged man appeared behind him "Luisa, Marcus. Take your teams and search for survivors of unit one, two and three"

"Yes, sir" they headed for their comrades.

"His wound isn't life threatening" the man examined Loki "It looks worse than it is. Keep pressure on the wound while I get someone to stitch him up and if the rumor is true and you guys are gods the effect of the poison should fade but we will make a few tests once we're back at the hellicarrier, just to make sure" the man left, Thor had just to wait for five minutes before a young and slender woman attended to his brother.

"Let me look at him" the doctor checked Clint's head as best he could without x-rays "I don't think something's broken but I can't promise that his brain is unharmed"

"Jeez" Phil rubbed his face "Don't do this to me you idiot"

"Coulson, calm down" Steve tried to sooth "He's fine, wait and see"

Coulson nodded "Let me have a look at your wound, sir"

"What?" Phil looked at the doctor in confusion "Your right sight, sir. You're bleeding"

the doctor pointed at Phil's side.

"Shrapnel" the doc mumbled "but I don't think it's serious but you might need a few stitches though"

"I didn't feel it until you pointed it out" Phil looked at his side.

"Adrenaline" the doctor stated while he cleaned the wound.

"We lost twelve agents, twenty-three are hurt and two of them might not make it" Luisa reported.

The doctor nodded "Let's return to the hellicarrier" he ordered.

:::::::::::::

Clint opened his eyes just to close them again; the bright light above his head hurt his eyes. He took a few deep breaths before he tried it again, Clint blinked to clear his vision "Urg, sick bay" he sighed. There was a warm and heavy weight pressed against his side "Phil?" he whispered.

The older man stirred "Clint" he said while he shifted to get a better look at his lover "How are you?"

"I feel like I got hit by a fucking freight train" Clint groaned.

"You've got a concussion and you have re-cracked a rip in addition to the bruises" Phil explained "I'm glad you have no brain damage"

"How long was I out?"

"One and a half days" Phil winced as he readjusted his position.

"Report your injuries Phil" Clint deadpanned.

"I've got a few cuts on my side, nothing serious" Phil took Clint's hand.

"The others?"

"They're fine. Natasha got a bump on the head, Tony hurt his rips, Cap got bruises, Logan… well he's Logan, Frank is fine… Blade, too. Bruce is still a little pissed but fine, Loki had a gash but he's out of here already" Phil summarized.

"Good" Clint smiled "Why do we share a bed?"

"We have more wounded than beds but I would have snuck into your bed anyway" the older man grinned lovingly. That with the beds and wounded might have been a little exaggerated but Phil wanted to be there and was sure Clint knew that too.

"What did I miss?"

"Steve and Tony have adopted you. Steve feels like your dad and Tony suggested, no, insisted that you're part of the Stark-Rogers household from now on" Phil smiled.

"You're kidding me" Clint's eyes widened.

"No" Phil was honest "Oh" Clint said stupidly.

"There are more interesting news then that" Steve appeared out of nowhere.

"There are?" Clint seemed interested.

"Yeah for example, your boyfriend killed Red Skull on his own and ended our damn fight within seconds, with a bow and explosive arrowhead" Phil blushed while Steve told his story.

"I told you archery would save your life one day" Clint sounded excited.

"You taught him how to shoot" Steve grinned down at Clint "clever"

"He was good at it and I thought it might come in handy" the archer shrugged.

"Good work, son" Steve ruffled Clint's hair, Clint knew Steve meant the whole op not just teaching archery to Phil "Is it true? Am I Clinton Francis Stark-Rogers from now on" he wanted to know what Steve had to say to that.

"Yes" Steve gave him a gentle smile "Isn't it right, Tony?" he called in the direction of the door. They knew Clint's biggest wish was a family.

"It is" Tony leaned against the doorframe.

"Does that mean you're my dad" he looked at Steve "and you're my mummy?" Clint looked at Tony, eyes glittering with mischief.

Phil laughed out loud at the expression on Tony's face. Cap had a hard time not to laugh at his lover "Yeah Tony, who are you?"

"I'm the scolding father" Tony huffed before he grinned "I really am mummy material if I want to, am I?"

They nodded but didn't say it out loud "I love you guys I hope you know that"

"We do" Steve confirmed "and we already lectured our son-in-law about the rules of our family" he winked at Phil.

"Sure you did" Clint laughed a little, it hurt to laugh.

"Get some rest" Tony said and dragged Steve out of the room to grant them some space.

"Does that mean they react well to the op?" Clint frowned at Phil.

"Yeah" Phil responded "they seem thoughtful sometimes but I think they understand that some things have to be done"

"I hope they don't have to do that again" Clint loved his friends the way they are. Too much undercover work could change a person drastically.

"It wasn't too different to what they normally do" Phil closed his eyes "I think they mourn the freelancers and young soldiers Red Skull recruited"

"That is something I can comprehend" Clint looked at Phil, he seemed tired "Sleep well, Phil"

"Sorry that I fall asleep the time you wake up" Phil regretted his lack of energy.

"You deserve your rest and I'll keep the nightmares at bay, okay?"

"Good luck" Phil muttered before he fell asleep.

Luckily he was too exhausted to dream.


	7. I dare to trust

"Good morning love" Clint kissed the tip of Phil's nose "You slept well?"

"Yeah" the older man rubbed his eyes "What time is it?"

"7 p.m." Clint gazed at the clock and the wall behind Phil.

"What?" the older man shot up "I missed the meeting, I…"

"Calm down, you needed the 14 hours sleep and Nick agrees with me. He came to look for you and decided to let you sleep instead of dragging your ass to the meeting room"

"Thank god" he lay back down on the bed.

"Don't tell me it's the first time you overslept" Clint grinned.

"No, but it's the first time since I'm an adult" Phil stated.

"You're kidding, right?" Clint eyed him and sighed "of course you're not"

"Counter question, have you ever been on time?" a grin appeared on Phil's face.

"Let me think about it… hm, nope" Clint played along, Phil knew damn well that Clint was a good agent and took meetings seriously.

"Such a shame" Phil kissed Clint.

"What was that for?" the archer smiled.

"Because I love you" the older agent sounded almost shy.

"Move in with me" Clint blurted out "I-I mean uhm if you want to uhm take the next step, I mean, uhm not just to keep an eye on me…"

"Shut up Clint" Phil ordered "and yes I'd love to move in with you"

Clint let out a heavy audible sigh of relieve "Have you truly thought I'd say no?" Phil asked.

"Honestly, I have considered the option" Hawkeye looked away to hide his insecurity.

"Don't worry about it, I just wanted to know" Phil knew they had a long way to go to revive the trust between them.

"Do you want to keep your apartment?"

"I think I prefer Tony's house" Phil just slept in his apartment; there was no life in it.

"You just love the pool" Clint grinned.

"That too" Phil got out of bed "but the main reason is that they're like family and I think it will be more homely than my apartment ever could be. My apartment is just a little flat I sleep in once in a while"

"Nothing personal in there?"

"A storage box full of memories" he had a few photo albums, letters and knick-knacks he treasured.

"That's not much" Clint said sadly.

"How much do you have?" Phil asked in return even though he knew the answer.

"A handful of good memories" the archer replied "but I believe that will change soon"

"Why is that?"

"Because we'll make a lot of good memories and we'll collect treasures" Clint intended to grow old with the agent and that left them a lot of time together. He wouldn't accept to include Phil's gun and bloody suit into his treasure box, not if he could prevent it.

"You're adorable, hard to believe that someone as strong as you jumped of a skyscraper" there was no anger or disappointment in Phil's words, it was just a statement of disbelieve.

"I can't believe it either, but what's done is done. I just can work on never repeating the same mistake" Clint yawned; he had watched over Phil most of the time and hadn't gotten much sleep.

"Did you sleep at all?" Phil patted Clint's leg.

"A little" he looked guiltily at Phil but Phil knew he wasn't sorry at all.

"I organize some food and you get some rest, okay?"

Clint nodded before he closed his eyes and dozed off.

::::::::::::::

"How are you?" Nick looked over Phil's shoulder while he put food on his tray.

"I feel much better but you could have woken me, you know" Phil smiled at his old friend.

"You looked so cute, cuddling with your boyfriend. I didn't have the heart to wake you" Fury sounded almost honest.

Phil gave him a glare "I'm not cute" he pouted.

"Actually you are, kind of" Nick frowned.

"Oh shush, will you" Phil laughed, the lines of worry around his eyes were much less than a few days ago and he seemed in a good mood.

"So tell me when did you learn to handle a bow?"

"I helped Clint to train with his bow because of his damaged shoulder and he'd taken the idea into his head to teach me archery" a little blush crept up his cheeks.

"and you learned it within a month?" Nick couldn't believe it.

"Less than a month" Phil mumbled.

"Come again?" Nick blinked, suppressing the urge to rub his ears.

"You heard me" Phil snapped irritated.

"I love it to piss you off" Fury beamed "I'm curious how good you'll be in a few more months"

Phil was silent, he never considered to continue his practice "It's an order Phil" Fury added after Phil remained silent for too long.

"Yes sir" the agent confirmed "How was the meeting?"

"Boring" Nick snatched a sandwich from Phil's tray "But it seems Cap and Stark are still with us"

"That's good, we need them" Phil replaced the missing sandwich.

"Do I have to change your family status in the near future?" Nick asked slyly.

Phil was at a loss for words, his mind racing with an answer to that question "Uhm, you have to change my address" he said stupidly.

"Just your address?"

"Uhm, for now" Phil blushed furiously.

"Tell me should you need my help"

"Better not. Your marriage lasted six months" Phil blurted out.

"Your luck that you're not marrying me then" Nick smiled.

"I haven't thought about it yet. It's the first time the thought crosses my mind" Coulson confessed.

"I think you'll make a damn fine couple. Married or not" Nick gave Phil a pat on the back before he returned to his duties.

_Marriage_, Phil thought carefully, _sounds nice_.

"What are you thinking about?" Natasha approached him.

"How's your head?" Phil asked.

"I've got a killer headache but I'll live" she smiled "but that has nothing to do with my question"

"I thought about something Nick said earlier" she gave him her best 'spill it' look "He asked if… He asked if I want to marry Clint"

Her smile widened "Do you?" she asked cheerful, surprising Phil a little.

"The thought is appealing but I'm not sure he'd like the idea" Phil had shattered their trust within a heartbeat and it could need years to rebuild what's lost.

"I think he'll be thrilled" she had talked with Clint about their future and he said that he dreamt of a husband and children "I think I overstep my boundaries here but he wants children, do you want children?"

"I can't give him kids" Phil said sadly.

"He never thought of children of his own, he wants to adopt" she clarified.

"Oh" Phil thought about it "Yeah, I think I want children too" a gentle smile appeared on his face.

"I think you'll make great parents and I am sure you'll be happy" she never lied, unless she had to woo a target.

"Do you think it's a good idea? Isn't it too soon?"

Natasha sighed, her boss could be terribly insecure "Yes Phil, I do. Clint will be happy to be your husband and I can see that you definitely will. And I don't think it's too soon. I mean in our line of work who knows what tomorrow will bring?! Use the time you have"

"Thank you, I'll think about it" he assured "do you want to join us?"

"No" she rubbed her head "I'll search some painkiller and go back to bed after I found something decent to eat"

"Take it easy" he caressed her cheek and hurried back to Clint.

:::::::::::::::

"You're free to go" the doctor informed Clint.

"Yay" Clint cheered and got out of bed, he was still a little wobbly on his legs but Phil was there to steady him.

"Let's get out of here" Phil gave the doctor a sloppy salute before he dragged Clint out of the infirmary.

"What's on your mind?" Clint asked suspicious.

"Why?"

"You practically dragged me out of there" he pointed behind him "and normally you make a fuss, making sure the doctor is absolutely sure I'm fit to leave"

"I'm thinking about the future and I'm not sure about a few details yet. And I'm tired of seeing you in the infirmary" Phil explained.

"Do you want to share your thoughts?" Barton offered, not liking the brooding mood Phil was in.

"Not yet but I'll let you know" the older man promised.

Clint let the topic go "What are we doing now?"

"We're taking the next flight back home together with the Avengers"

"Great" Clint grinned "we can start to move your things"

"You need a few more days of rest and then we can think about moving my things" Phil chided.

"Yes mummy" these words were filled with love.

"Nope, that's Tony. It's his own fault for being lovable when he isn't offending anyone"

"He's good with words when he intends to offer comfort in private" Clint agreed.

He wasn't arrogant and mean at all.

"I think they truly like you, I hope you know that" Phil opened his door to collect his belongings.

"Yeah, I do" Clint learned to accept the friendship and love they offered.

"They would be devastated" Phil gave him a meaningful look and Clint understood instantly what his lover tried to say "They don't have to worry, tell them when you chat again"

Phil nodded.

"What are we doing about Campbell?" Clint felt a little threatened by the younger man's presences.

"I want to train him a little longer and then we'll get rid of him. Maria might need him" Phil mused.

"Good, I didn't meet him yet but…"

"I understand" Phil tucked on Clint's belt, pulling him closer "There is only one Hawkeye on this team"

"I hope so" he was serious "How much time do we have until we leave?" he kissed Phil's neck.

"Enough" the older agent pulled the archer down onto the bed.

:::::::::::::

Two weeks passed before Clint finally met Campbell "Nice to meet you" the young man said stiffly. He had hoped that Hawkeye wouldn't return to his duties.

It was his biggest wish to be a member of an important and famous team and he took it as a good sign that his boss ordered him to stay in Tony's mansion while he got trained.

"Back at you" Clint held his gaze "I heard a lot about your first mission" the boy had a lot to learn and it was Clint's job to teach him how to be a first class sniper.

"It's a pleasure to work with such a great team" Campbell said cheerful.

"They are adorable" Barton grinned at Tony.

"Hey" the engineer huffed "We are just awesome"

"True" Clint chuckled "Where is Cap?"

"In the gym with Nat" Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Again?" Clint frowned.

"Hand to hand combat" Tony smirked "to avoid a knockout"

"When is my turn?" Clint groaned, he was sure Steve just waited for his wounds to heal completely.

"Nah, next week, I think" the older man said with glee.

"Thank's for your support, mom" Barton mocked.

Campbell was utterly confused after they finished their little banter "Mom?"

"Just an agreement between friends" Clint said casually.

"Oh, okay" the young man realized how hard it will be to become a part of their team. He hoped he could twist his boss around his little finger. Coulson didn't seem to like the other man very much.

"Do you want to start with his training now or tomorrow?" Tony asked.

"I think we start as soon as possible, why?" Clint answered.

"Phil wants you to call him before you start, I think he wants to make sure the kid stays alive"

"He's such a mother-hen at times" the archer sighed heavily.

"He can be nice?" Campbell blurted out.

He thought the agent was rather cold towards his employees.

"He has a heart of gold" Tony answered "but he knows when he has to act like the boss he is"

"I think he's the heart of the team, like the glue that keeps us together and grounded" Clint smiled affectionately.

"I just know that he's a legend" the young man adored the stories about Coulson.

"That he is" Tony opened his mobile phone and gave it to Clint "Now call him, I want to attend the training session"

"Geez, impatient. How Cap puts up with you is a riddle to me" the archer grumbled before he hit the call button.

"I'm too awesome to ignore" Tony said and got a chuckle in return.

Campbell gathered as much information as he could.

He needed to know them.

The relationship between every single member, how their minds worked and what he could use to worm his way into their hearts.

::::::::::::::

The training session was strenuous and Campbell wanted to fall asleep where he stood. Every muscle in his body burned like fire but that would create a big black spot on his ego.

"Get some rest, we'll continue tomorrow" Clint patted him on the back. Tony had left an hour ago to get some decent sleep.

"I'll be there" he hurried to the guest room.

"Didn't I tell you not to torture him?" Phil leaned against the doorframe.

"You could have interfered" he knew his lover watched them for the last 40 minutes.

"Was more fun that way" the older man shrugged.

"What have you done all day, you look like you ran a marathon" Clint eyed his lover.

"Meetings, meetings, meetings and I had to run from Danver"

"Ah, what have you done?" Clint smirked.

"This time absolutely nothing but she wants all the details about our sex-life" Phil rubbed his face.

"We should tape it" the archer wiggled his brow.

"Yeah we should" he pulled Clint into a kiss "but just for us"

"Kinky" Clint initiated a second, more heated, kiss "Go to bed love before you pass out"

Phil nodded and took Clint's hand before he dragged the blonde into their room.

Coulson had moved in a week ago and they all got used to it pretty fast, as if he lived there for years. Cap and Tony had done most of the work because Clint's rip wasn't fully healed.

It was funny to watch how Cap and Tony had fussed over the archer, like a real family. _Don't carry the box, it's too heavy. Don't bend down like that, hunker down to lift it up. Pause for a while or you'll never get back on your feet. Keep your hands away from these boxes!_

Clint had sighed dramatically but he could see in his lover's eyes that he enjoyed their nagging.

A soft knock on the door woke Phil the next morning, his head rested comfortably on Clint's chest "Yeah" he called out.

"Bruce prepared breakfast" it was Steve "We thought you might like to join us"

"We'll be there" Phil answered before he looked at Clint "Morning"

"Morning" the archer seemed well rested "I love Saturdays. Steve insists that we spent one day a week together and that's mostly Saturdays"

"We didn't do it last week and the weeks before" Phil stated.

"You moved in with me that day. It was the family getaway and the weeks before… I think they gave us time and space to sort our problems out"

"Oh" Phil got up "I think it's the perfect opportunity"

"What for?" Clint asked surprised.

"This" Phil pulled a little box out of his trouser pocket and got on his knees next to the bed, he'd made up his mind a few days ago. He'd take the risk.

"Oh my… Is it what I think it is?"

"Depends on what you think it is" Phil smiled and opened the box.

Clint took a shaky breath "I'd like to marry you if you truly want me"

"I wouldn't ask otherwise" Phil said gentle, putting the ring on Clint's finger.

Clint flung himself at Phil "I love you Phil"

"Love you too" Phil rubbed the younger man's back "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No lies, no heartache caused by misunderstandings anymore. I want us to be an item for all eternity"

Clint nodded against Phil's neck "I … I want to trust you and I want to do this. I put my trust in you, please don't crush it"

"I won't" the older man promised "I'll treasure the trust you put in me and one day you'll believe in me again"

"Clinton Francis Coulson" Clint said out loud, he liked the way it sounded.

"I can pick your name if you want or we pick a double name" Phil offered.

"Phil Barton. Coulson-Barton. Barton-Coulson. Hmm, I don't know" the archer enjoyed Phil's embrace.

"I like your surname,… Barton. But I like mine too" Phil mused "but we have enough time to come up with the name"

"I can't believe I'll marry you" the archer chuckled, his dream came true.

"I even asked Steve and Tony for your hand" Phil looked smug.

"You do love me very much" Clint wasn't sure if he sounded as surprised as he felt.

He knew Phil had feelings for him and would never have asked him to marry him when he wasn't sure.

"Hm, I have to show you how much I love you then" Coulson gave him a wicked grin before he straddled him.

:::::::::::::

"Sir" Campbell said formally.

"Campbell" Coulson nodded "You look tired"

"Training was strenuous but I like it that way" it was a lie but a soldier had to be willing to push himself. He hated Barton for the training, _that bastard wants to see me fail to keep his job. _

"I hope you have enough strength left for today's lesson" Clint appeared behind Phil.

"Give him a break" Phil huffed "We want to train him not break him"

"Do you remember my training?"

"Of course I trained you together with Nick" Phil replied with a smirk.

"Exactly" Clint grabbed a pancake "and I'm still alive"

"Barely" Phil muttered under his breath, Clint placed a hand at the small of his back "I want him to live, nothing more nothing less" the archer said honest.

"I know but you have to admit that you're quite sadistic at times" Phil kept his voice cool, not sure how much affection he could show in front of Campbell. He didn't trust the young man enough.

"Yes, I admit but with all due respect sir" Clint grinned slyly "I don't remember being that way before I met you and Fury"

Tony snickered while Steve turned away to hide his grin.

"It's inappropriate to address a superior that way" Campbell said serious, using his chance to show what perfect little soldier he was.

"Don't mind them" Bruce dismissed their banter as something normal.

Campbell frowned at Bruce, he didn't understand how they could ignore such a behavior.

A unit had rules and a firm command structure.

"Don't be so uptight" Tony informed him "you're not coming far that way, believe me"

"I'm not uptight. I just respect my superior and fellow comrades" he informed and Phil decided to be careful.

People with high standards and too much ambition were dangerous for themselves and others.

He saw many soldiers and agents like Campbell come and go.

Most of them came with waving flags and went in a wooden box.

The few that survived got locked away.

"It's Saturday and we're not on duty" Phil stated "Today we're just friends, no ranks, no work, just fun"

Campbell thought about it "Yes, sir"

"Drop the sir, Chris and stop trying so hard to impress me. It doesn't work. I've got my team and I will not replace any of them. Did I make myself clear?"

Campbell narrowed his eyes, Coulson just blew his plan "Yes" seemed like the rumors about agent Coulson were true, he was observant and a bad-ass.

"Don't fight, it's not even noon" Clint sighed, not liking the look in Phil's eyes "Plant your ass on that chair and eat your pancakes" the archer filled a plate for Phil "and now eat"

"And you say I'm the mommy" Tony slouched on his chair.

"That's because you're too nice for your own good when you think we're alone and I'm pretty sure you act that way with everyone you consider a friend" Clint gave Tony a soda.

"Remind me to be more careful" Tony sipped on his soda and smiled fondly.

"How does he talk with people he likes?" Chris asked interested searching for a way back in.

"He's friendly, understanding and offers help, may it be through well chosen words or gentle gestures" Tony almost blushed from the affection that seeped through Clint's tone.

"What kind of hierarchy do you have?" he didn't understand them yet.

"We are more like a family than a bunch of specialists" Steve chimed in.

"Family?" Chris asked suspicious.

"Yeah" Clint grinned "Mom and Dad here" he pointed at Tony and Steve "They're, I don't know they're just like parents should be. They care and offer comfort. Tony gave me a home and Steve is like the father I ever wanted but never got while I was a child"

"Son, don't make me cry here" Steve warned gently.

"Never" Clint said serious "Phil is like, I don't know the caring uncle. Bruce is the big brother type and Natasha is the big sister who loves to torment me. Thor is the big baby. Strong like an Ox but the heart of a child. Nick is our all observing grandpa, don't tell him I said that or he'll bust me down to the rank of housekeeper" they chuckled.

"What are you?" Chris hoped his question hurt, he realized how the archer avoided his own part in all this.

"I don't know" Clint thought about it. Where was his place within the hierarchy?

"Clint is our little one. Clever, cheerful and always up to mischief" Steve grinned.

It was strange to hear what they thought of him, he always felt more like a burden than part of a family.

"Little one" Phil mused "I think I've got a new nickname for you"

Clint looked aghast "Don't you dare or I'll call you pretty daddy everywhere we go"

"Who said I'd dislike it?" the older agent raised a brow.

Clint blushed furiously his mind running wild "Damn" he shook his head.

"You've got him" Steve looked amused.

Tony just gave him a dirty grin.

Bruce sighed heavily "You're truly our little one with an imagination that … colorful"

"You're just envious of my youth" Clint mocked.

"Dream on kid, dream on kid" Bruce shoved a big piece of pancake into his mouth to hide his little smile.

"That's sexual harassment" Campbell interfered "you're lucky Agent Coulson is generous enough to tolerate your advances"

Clint's jaw dropped "Is he for real?" he looked at Phil.

"I think so" the older man nodded.

"I'm …" Chris began and waited for someone to continue his sentence.

"Nah, nothing" Tony dismissed not liking the way Chris looked at Clint "They're just bantering. It's normal for us"

"I thought we could go clubbing" Natasha interrupted; she eavesdropped for the last ten minutes and decided it was time to interfere.

"Hey Nat" Clint beamed "How are you?"

"I'm fine" she smiled at him "How are you?"

"Great" he gave her a meaningful look and scratched his ear so only Natasha could see the platinum band around his finger. He didn't want to draw Campbell's attention to his relationship with Phil. The young man had to figure it out on his own.

A huge smile appeared on her face "I feel like celebrating" she announced "we survived the last job; we got back on our feet and I can't even remember the last time we went out for a drink"

"I'm in" Tony said, he had seen the ring around Clint's finger and was happy that the archer had said yes.

A no would have broken Phil's heart.

Steve and Bruce knew it too; they tried to get a look at Clint's hand once he walked through the door.

They had waited for days now, searching everyday for the platinum band.

"But Tony chooses the club I don't trust you in that matter" Clint gave her a knowing look.

"Okay" she raised her hands in defense "no more shabby bars and seedy clubs"

"Good girl" Phil sighed relieved "Her choices in clubs is legendary" he told Campbell.

"Oh" he looked at Natasha "a little naughty by nature?"

"More than a little" she enjoyed the expression on his face.

He blushed and couldn't meet her eye.

"So be ready at 8 p.m." Tony had already organized their night out.

"Yep" Clint was looking forward to see Phil in his casual gear.

"I have to run a few errands but I'll be back in time" Phil informed.

"Workaholic" Natasha muttered, getting a disapproving glare from Chris.

"Not really" Phil smiled "but I have a meeting to attend" everyone except Campbell knew that was a lie.

Clint looked at his watch "You have to leave in an hour"

"Enough time to eat and chat" Coulson refilled his plate and started a conversation about weapon upgrades. Tony and Bruce were happy to join in while Steve, Clint and Natasha made fun of their friends priorities, Campbell remained silent and listened to what was said.

::::::::::::

Clint waited a while before he left the house to follow Phil.

"I don't like him" he said once he reached his lover.

"I don't like him either but he's good and Fury wants him to be better" Phil took Clint's hand, leading him down the street.

"So what's your plan?" Phil had asked him to join but didn't say why.

"I need new clothes and I thought you might want a few things too" the older man smiled shyly.

"I'd like that" Clint grinned "So you wanna dress me up?"

"Maybe" the older man answered without a hint of his intention.

"Jeans and a tight fitting shirt, black maybe" Clint said suddenly, taking Phil off guard "Huh?"

"For you" the archer smiled at him "I think it would suit you"

"Yeah?" Phil looked around the street, searching for a suitable shop.

"Yeah, I think so" Clint eyed his lover, he saw Phil on a few rare occasion without a suit and liked it very much. Mostly they were too tired after work to make themselves comfortable, they just came home and fell into bed. Phil always worked and wore his suit, not that Clint disliked his suit but he loved it when Phil's muscles displayed through a shirt.

"I love to watch you in tight shirts too, especially that kind of shirts you wear under your vest. That's why I'm always looking forward for you to get rid of your vest" Phil loved Clint's new uniform.

Clint chuckled and made a mental note to reduce his habit to wear over sized shirts in his spare time "Let's check this one out" he pointed at a jeans store.

Phil nodded and followed.

They spent hours to get clothes and Phil felt great. Clint gave him the feeling to be pretty and adorable. Phil knew he wasn't ugly or out of shape but he wasn't young anymore and sometimes he wondered why Clint put up with him at all.

"What are you brooding about?" Clint bit into his sandwich.

They got something to eat before they searched for a quiet place at the nearby park.

"Nothing" Phil smiled at him but there was something in his lover's eyes Clint couldn't defy.

"Spill it" Clint ordered.

"I'm wondering why you chose me of all people" Phil couldn't meet Clint's eye.

"Because you're Phil Coulson" Clint said looking at the bright blue sky.

"What do I have that made you give your heart away so freely? And don't say because I'm Phil Coulson it's not an answer"

"But it is" Clint smiled at him "You're intelligent, gentle, you know what you want, you fight for what you want, you're good looking and you have a heart of gold. There is nothing I don't like about you"

"No flaws that piss you off?" Phil frowned.

"No" Clint thought about it "You're Mr. Right. Okay you can be a little dense at times but I love you anyway. You know, you're the first person who put up with me for more than a week. You gave me the chance to be someone. I would possibly be just a number on an anonymous grave somewhere at the cemetery by now. A nobody, who died alone. I have lost every single person I loved before I hit 20. And then you appeared in my life with an offer I couldn't say no to. Your gentle eyes and the determination in your tone was what made me take the chance you offered. I learned more and more about you over the years and my heart longed for you more and more. You never sent me away when I screwed up, you never tossed me back on the street when I behaved unbearable and I'm grateful. All that defines the Phil Coulson I fell in love with and when I'm honest my love is still growing day by day"

Phil was speechless; he didn't know how much he meant to the archer.

Clint loved him because he was who he was.

Not because he was a great agent or sexy in his own way, no, Clint loved him because he appreciated the person behind the mask he put up as an agent.

"But" Phil's heart constricted despite all the happiness he felt seconds before as he heard these word "But?" he asked not liking the tone Clint used.

"I… I think one of the reasons I jumped that day was that I lost the last piece of confidence I had and I…, why do you love me?" the younger archer lowered his gaze.

Phil was surprised by what Clint said, he knew his friend and lover had issues but he was surprised that Clint's self-confidence was that low.

He always seemed to be self-confident whenever people doubted his skills or his way of life.

"I knew the first time I met you that you're someone special.

You survived all the odds and you were… are the best archer in the world.

To be honest I thought you were loud mouthed and ill mannered but you proved me wrong. You proved that you were worth our time.

The more time we spent together the more I longed for your company.

You're intelligent, you're tongue is as sharp as a razor but you don't use it to hurt anyone. Your soul shines so bright I can't keep my eyes off of you and you're the hottest guy I ever met" Phil smiled at the last part "Believe it or not but you are a great person, kind-hearted, witty and smart. You stole my heart with ease. There is nothing I don't love about you, even your hobby to bend rules and infuriate superiors"

"That's the way you see me?" Clint whispered "I can't see that"

"It's not only me who sees you that way. Tony, Cap, Bruce, Nick and Nat see you the same way. I know it must be hard to believe but trust us. We love you and nothing will ever change that. We Love Our Clint Barton"

A little smile appeared on Clint's lips "I am special" he murmured "I'm not a burden, I'm important and loved"

"Yes you are" Phil pulled the archer into a gentle hug "and now let's find your favorite tattoo artist before we head home"

"That's the real reason you wanted me to come along" Clint realized, Phil smirked.

:::::::::::

Phil and Clint were five minutes late but their friends had waited for them before they ordered their drinks.

"You guys look great" Natasha said, eying them suspiciously.

Clint and Phil wore long sleeved shirts and jeans.

Their tattoos were still fresh and they decided to hide them until they were fully healed and it was funnier to leave Campbell in the dark. Phil had Clint's name tattooed on the inside of his underarm and Clint had Phil's. From elbow to wrist.

"How was your meeting?" Tony asked with mischief in his eyes.

"Not as boring as I feared" Phil said serious "Seems like we have some free time for a while"

"Great" Natasha said cheerful.

"Who is he and where did you meet?" Clint put his glass down.

"I.. uhm" she stammered "How do you always know things like that?" Nat chided.

"I know you and now spill it, I'm dying to hear about him" Clint said impatiently he bet a lot of money on her.

"Bruce" she blushed.

"Yay, it's pay-day. You owe me 100 bucks Tony" Clint cheered "oh and congratulation for you two" he added with a genuine smile.

"Damn, couldn't you wait a month" Tony shook his head "I was sure you'd use our travel to Hawaii for your relationship to shift"

"You know?" Bruce blushed furiously.

"Yup" Clint said happily.

"Nick owes me 200 bucks" Phil tried not to smile "and I get 50 from Hill"

"Ahaa, the high officers of SHIELD are betting on the private life of their employees?!" Tony said shocked, not that he was for real.

"Yes" Phil sipped on his drink "I think I made more or less 1000 dollar within the last three years. Nick made 800 dollar, I think. Hill tends to lose, she's the first one to notice possible new relationships but her timing is off"

"You must earn a lot of money to gamble that much" Bruce muttered.

"We do and we work so much we have no chance to spend it otherwise" Phil winked.

Bruce sighed deeply.

"Do you have plans for next week?" Clint wiggled his brows.

Natasha smiled "Yes, but I don't tell you anything"

Clint huffed, he knew she would come to him before the week was over and tell him every detail "You wound me" he mocked and placed a hand above his heart.

"Liar" Bruce ordered a second drink.

"Does DADT not apply anymore?" Campbell asked confused, he had learned that relationships between comrades where highly inappropriate.

"Never did, we are not the army" Phil explained "Most of us build their family within SHIELD, not every child remains with us but many do. Agent Vega for example is married with Mary from the science department. They have two sons and a girl. Leeland and Jamie are members of strike force 8 and 12. Little Julia is one of our best doctors"

"My father is an investment banker and my mom is an journalist" Chris said "I can't imagine how devoted SHIELD agents raise a child"

"Don't you want children?" Cap asked, he wanted four with Tony. Families had to be big and loving.

"I don't think I want children, I'm devoted to my job and I want to live my life without complications" Campbell said.

"Children are not complications" Clint grew angry, Campbell reminded him of his father at this moment.

"They are in case you want to make career" Chris was oblivious to the deadly glare Clint sent him.

"I think it's a good idea you remain childless" Tony muttered, Chris wasn't father material. The young man might change one day and grow into a decent man but until then he was just an asshole in Tony's opinion.

Campbell tried to backpedal "I don't like women that much" he tried to look ashamed.

He wasn't gay, maybe a little bi, if fucking a superior for personal gain counts, but he wanted to be famous and he would do everything to climb up the latter.

"You don't need a woman for children, there are so many kids without families out there" Cap beamed, he thought Chris was honest and he wanted to cheer the young man up.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea, prejudice and stuff like that, you know" he looked thoughtful.

"It's your life not theirs. If it makes you happy then do it" Clint told him "I grew up in an orphanage for a while and I prayed for people to adopt me but none of them chose me. Hetero or gay wouldn't have mattered as long as I would have gotten a home"

"What happened to your parents?" Campbell was seriously interested in Clint's story.

"They died in a car crash. I miss them but it shouldn't be. I wouldn't be here if they had survived" Clint gulped his drink down.

"You would be in jail by now if they had survived" Phil muttered but Campbell heard him "In jail?"

"I wasn't a model child" Clint shrugged "fist fights, harmless thefts"

"No reason to go to jail" Chris eyed him fishing for more information.

"My father was violent, a drunk. I would have killed him one day or I would be a drunk too. Who Knows?"

Cap narrowed his eyes "Did he hit you often?"

"Yes, mum did her best to protect us but my brother and I started to attract dad's attention, he hit her less" Clint remembered "She was a nice woman but she was too scared to leave him. No money, no friends, she had absolutely nothing but two kids she couldn't feed on her own. So she stayed talking herself into believing that one day it would be fine but obviously she was wrong"

"Luckily your safe with us" Cap wanted to revive the old drunken bastard only to kill him again.

He wanted to show him how it feels to be on the receiving end.

He wanted to show him how it feels when little bones are breaking under the force of someone stronger.

"I know" Clint smiled "but I'm not the only one with a sad childhood"

"No you aren't" Bruce said, granting him an encouraging smile.

"I want to dance" Clint snapped out of his bitter thoughts and grinned at Natasha "Come" he dragged her to the dance floor.

Bruce and Phil watched them for a while, not out of jealousy but because they couldn't take their eyes off of their loved ones while they moved to the beat.

Shaking their hips, moving their arms, sweat dripping down their backs after the third song. Phil loved they way Clint's muscles moved when he danced and that gave him a hard time to suppress the approaching hard on. Bruce fought against similar urges.

"Aren't you jealous" Chris asked Bruce.

"Huh?" he forced his eyes away from Nat "No" he chuckled softly.

"Why not, they seem to be… intimate" Chris used his chance to cause trouble for Clint.

"Eww, that would border on incest" Bruce muttered "Nope, they tried it. It lasted a week and they went back to being friends / siblings by choice. She's so damn protective of him it's almost scary. One wrong word and she'd cut off my balls, no matter if I'm her lover or not"

"Same goes for Clint but I don't think he would castrate his lover, as far as I know he likes sex too much" Phil smirked; Clint would never harm Phil in any way especially not his crown jewels.

Chris made a few mental notes for the future "How did they meet?"

"Clint found her in Russia, he saved her life and things developed from there. He recruited her and taught her everything he knew. He gave her a new purpose in life and a home" Phil continued to watch them "Be careful, together they cause more mischief than Loki"

They laughed "I think I know where they learned that" Tony gave Phil a sly grin.

"I might have taught them a few skill but it's mainly Nick's fault I swear" Phil raised his hands in defense "He's the sneakiest bastard I ever met"

Campbell's jaw almost hit the table as it dropped, his idol and ticket to a brighter future was referring to Nick Fury as bastard "How long do you know each other?"

"Geez" Phil sighed melodramatically "A little over twenty three years? I'm not so sure"

"What you weren't born as an agent?" Tony mocked, Cap rolled his eyes.

"No, my mother was a teacher and my dad worked as a construction worker" his parents died a few years back.

"You had great parents" Clint's eyes gleamed, appearing out of nowhere behind Phil "I met them on a few occasions and I have to say they did a great job raising you"

"One of these days you'll give me a heart attack" Phil took a deep breath "I swear it's his main goal in life"

"Nah, spoiling my partner rotten is my main goal and being a good friend is my second goal, causing a heart attack is the third" Clint settled down on the chair opposite Phil.

"Good to know" Bruce ordered a new drink "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"

"Thanks my friend, it's my pleasure to give you hell" the archer stole Phil's drink.

The older man shook his head before he ordered a new one "What are we doing next?"

"There's a nice club down the street they have strippers" Natasha cheered and got a glare from Bruce "What? Can't a girl even look, I don't touch I promise" she fluttered her eyelashes.

Bruce sighed deeply "Okay" he threw his arms in the air in surrender.

Phil and Clint grinned, looking forward to get their hands on each other. They knew watching these strippers would get their imagination up and running.

Cap and Tony had similar ideas and hoped to get home sooner than later.

:::::::::::::

"Morning" Phil kissed Clint's forehead "hangover?"

"Slightly dehydrated but that's it, you?" Clint cracked his eyes opened to look at Phil.

"I'm fine. I didn't drink that much" the older man smiled down at him "I love you"

"What have I done? I wasn't that drunk. Did I say or do something stupid?"

"No" Phil sucked on Clint's neck right under his ear "We didn't get the chance to dance yesterday because of that little arse-crawler and I wanted you to know that I love you"

"Love you too" Clint grabbed Phil's arm and inspected the tattoo "Pretty" he traced the patterns lovingly.

"I'm all yours" Phil's mouth wandered further down his lover's body.

"mhm, I bottom, so in that case I'm all yours" Clint enjoyed Phil's hot breath while it ghosted over his skin.

Phil took Clint's cock into his mouth and hummed approvingly. Phil searched with one hand for the lube before he prepared his lover.

"Oh come on" Clint wanted Phil now.

"You know the rule" Phil pushed the third finger into Clint.

"No unnecessary pain" Clint panted "but I want you"

"Okay" Phil pushed himself into Clint's tight entrance before he placed his hands next to Clint's head. The younger man slung his legs around Phil's middle and pulled him closer, forcing Phil's hard member deeper into him.

Phil grunted at the sensation, fearing for one moment to come early. He enjoyed the view and feeling of Clint's body writhing beneath him. The moans and the affection whenever the archer called out his name turned him on even more.

Phil pushed harder inside his partner, feeling his release approach "Clint" he moaned, before he bit down on Clint's neck, where it meets the shoulder as he came. The sensation drove Clint over the edge and he followed seconds later, clinging to Phil. They didn't move for a while catching their breaths and enjoying the closeness.

Clint raised a hand and caressed Phil's cheek, forcing the older man to look at him "One year and two children, minimum" he said dead serious "you get one year to pick your best man and marry me, and two years, maximum, before we get children"

The confusion left Phil's face only to be replaced with a blinding smile "Deal" he kissed his archer with passion "Shower, love?"

"Shower" Clint agreed.

"I have one question, why exactly are we hiding from Campbell?" Clint took a soda out of the fridge before he slumped down next to Phil "I don't trust him either but I don't like to hide who I am with especially in my own home"

"Tony's" Phil switched the channel "but it's not as if we maintain a low profile"

"I know he should have caught on by now but he is still oblivious and I'd like to hold hands and cuddle on the couch, and I'd like not to sneak out of my own room in case he might see us" Clint sighed "AND I'd like to show off my tattoo"

"We should wait a little longer" Phil said absentminded. He wanted Clint to be safe.

"Everyone knows, we even walked hand in hand through the city so why is he so different?"

"I don't trust him. I have a bad feeling about him" Phil avoided Clint's gaze.

"Are you attracted to him?" Clint tilted his head back.

"Absolutely not and I thought I made myself clear this morning" Phil finally looked at Clint.

"Maybe not clear enough" a sly smile appeared on Clint's face.

"Asshole" Phil muttered, throwing a cushion at him "You scared me here for a moment"

"You're so cute when you're flustered" Clint laughed "What do you think about a trip to the firing range?!"

"Sounds like fun" Phil turned off the T.V., relieved that Clint played a prank on him but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was partly a test too "I have to attend a meeting tomorrow morning, do you want to come along?"

"Is my security clearance high enough?" Clint finished his soda.

"Yes, but has a no ever stopped you before?" Phil smirked, he knew Clint eavesdropped occasionally.

"No" he shook his head "You're right"

"And your security clearance is just one step below mine" Phil stretched lazily.

"Damn, when did that happen?" Clint was used to follow orders and do his job, his security clearance was something he never really kept an eye on.

"Two years ago" Phil gave him a funny look "You do know that they promoted you last spring?"

"They did?" Clint did his best to look confused but Phil saw right through him "Liar" the older man huffed.

"I love being second in command" Clint rubbed his hands "Does Cap know I'm your vice? More specifically that I'm not a simple foot soldier"

"Uhm" the older man seemed taken aback "I don't know"

"Oh I can't wait for an opportunity to rub it in" Clint shoved his lover in direction of their shared bedroom "Time to get our gear"

"You're the devil" Coulson sighed deeply.

"Nope, I'm the second in command of the devils right hand and I'm black ops leader, at least when I'm not playing hero" Clint countered nonchalantly "Nick, you and I. We rock hell" he laughed as Phil mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like lunatic and what have I done to deserve it.

::::::::::::

They were disappointed as they met Campbell at the firing range. Normally nobody ever set a foot into HQ on a Sunday that's why they decided to train at HQ instead of Tony's backyard.

"Good morning sir" Chris suppressed the urge to salute.

"Morning" he answered grudgingly.

"What are you doing here?" Clint deadpanned.

"Practice" Chris said mockingly, getting a glare from Phil.

"It's Sunday" Clint countered "You have all week for that"

"You're here too" Campbell had a point.

"I have a busy schedule and Barton is sacrificing his Sunday to teach me archery" Coulson took his bow.

Clint bought him one after he accomplished his first successful mission as an archer trainee.

"Archery sir?" he didn't know that agent Coulson could use a bow.

"Yes archery" Phil said impatiently "and now excuse us" he stormed off to the other side of the hall.

"You really dislike him" Clint stated while he picked up an arrow.

"He'd do anything for his career" Phil said simply.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you too but you're just a saint with convictions" Clint loved the older man that way "one of the things I love most about you" he added in a whisper.

"Saint, I'm not a saint there's too much blood on my hands but you're right I do have convictions" Phil shot an arrow.

"Do you think he'll kill me to get his hands on my job?"

The question was asked in such a neutral way that Phil almost dropped the arrow he intended to shoot "I transfer him tomorrow morning"

"It was just a question not an accusation" Clint rubbed over his sleeve, he wasn't used to train with a long sleeved shirt.

"I don't want to risk anything" Phil said determined "I considered the possibility a while ago, that he might harm you I mean. I won't allow anyone to harm one of you guys, especially not you"

"Where will you send him" Clint was touched by Phil's outburst.

"Diaz, I think" they deserved each other.

"Diaz will get the kid killed. I think we should keep him a little longer" Clint's face darkened.

"What is it with you and Diaz, you never told me what happened" Phil tried to coax the information out of Diaz a few weeks ago but he remained silent and Clint avoided that topic like the plague.

Clint thought about his answer for a while and Phil thought he avoided to answer again "He said I was you're whore and that I'm pretty but my personality is terrible, so no one would ever want me, for the long haul. I got angry and insulted him. He punched me in the face. End of story"

Phil needed time to process the information "The bruise on your face wasn't from the fall?" his eyes looked dangerous.

"No; not from Tony's armor. Diaz's fist" Clint confirmed sadly "You know, he was right"

"He was not" Phil almost yelled.

"My personality isn't the best and most people do appreciate my body. You're the first person who actually stayed, but I told you that already. I have to confess that I never liked myself much"

"But I love your personality very much, and Cap does and Tony and Nat and Nick and Bruce and…"

"Okay, okay" Clint chuckled "I understand"

"Good and you better start to like you or I have to kick your ass for insulting the love of my life, got it?"

Clint's jaw dropped after Phil's little outburst.

He sounded so honest and serious that Clint was for once speechless.

His heart hammered in his chest out of joy and love.

"Got it?" Phil repeated, absorbing Clint's stunned expression.

The archer nodded dumbly before a little smile tucked on his lips "Good" the older man smiled brightly.

"Phil?"

"Hmm?" Coulson put down his bow.

"I think I just fell in love with you all over again" the younger man looked at him with big insecure eyes, overwhelmed with the emotions which rushed through his body and mind.

"I hope so or my hard work would be in vain" Phil put an arm around Clint's shoulder "Let's go home and play the board game you like so much before we order some food and I read a chapter of the book, that one that you try to filch from me for days, to you while we cuddle in bed. You don't sleep well for a few days now"

"I have bad dreams but I can't remember the content I just know it was unpleasant and yet I feel good during the day. I'm not depressed or suicidal but I don't know what my subconscious is working through"

"I think you're not as well as you think" Phil's eyes softened "You might feel well but it doesn't mean your mind is healed as well"

"I need to go to the shrink" he knew Phil or Nick would order him to visit Doctor Jackson sooner or later.

"Yes you do"


	8. One couple two missions

Clint held his promise and visited Dr. Jackson on a regular basis.

Phil noticed how Clint changed, slowly but steady, back into his old self. It made the older man happy to see his lover that way. Loud, cheeky and smiling, whenever they were off duty.

Even his fellow Avengers noticed the changes in their teammate.

Cap observed Clint with a smile on his face these days instead of a worried frown.

Tony taught Clint how to be an engineer because they liked to spend time together and not because he intended to keep him away from high buildings and sharp objects without observation.

"Can we leave now?" Clint tapped his toes.

"Calm down" Phil sighed irritated "Why are you so impatient?"

"The sooner we are back, the sooner I can make some plans for my date" Clint winked.

"Ah" Bruce smirked "Do you have something special mind?"

"Yeah but I won't tell you" he stuck out his tongue.

"Very mature agent Barton" Phil holstered his gun, Cap fastened his shield "It is about time you show your romantic side. I hope you didn't ask Tony for advice. OW" Tony's elbow connected with Cap's ribs.

"Who is the lucky lady?" Campbell asked, surprised that someone like Barton found someone who would date him.

"You don't know her" Clint replied.

"I'd like to meet her" maybe he could split them up and Barton would be devastated enough to leave on his own accord.

But to tell the trough he developed such a dislike for the archer that it was more like a personal vendetta than a career chance.

The archer got all the attention and support on the team; it was like he wasn't even there. Campbell felt like an unwanted burden.

To be kicked out of a team of super heroes would be terrible for his résumé so he had to make friends among his team but he couldn't do that with an attention whore like Barton.

His last employer said that he wasn't leader material because of his selfishness and dubious ethics, his boss was an idiot.

"Maybe one day" Clint smiled at Chris.

"What do you have in mind for your night out?" if he wanted to befriend Captain America and Stark he had to befriend Barton first, at least for a little while.

"It's my dirty little secret" Clint put his index finger over his lips.

Phil tried to control his wandering mind and to regain his calm appearance "TMI Barton" he used his best agent tone of voice.

"Yes sir" Clint saluted halfheartedly.

Phil sighed dramatically "Take this, kiddo" he thrusted a gun into Clint's hand "You might need it today"

"I'm not that much younger" the archer huffed "and why do I get the small one?"

"First I look cool with big guns, second the gun is just for backup" Phil stated.

Campbell snickered, he was the professional in the matter of handguns, Barton was just an archer.

That was his chance to show how gifted and great he was.

:::::::::::::::::

Campbell was pissed, totally and utterly furious.

The mission was his big chance to show off his talent but Barton stole him the show.

Who would have thought that the damn archer could handle guns like a pro. Barton decided that he was too slow and grabbed his sniper rifle. Two shots and the two maniacs went down. Barton let him look like an idiot, a noob.

The archer had handed him the rifle back with a smug smirk on his damn face.

"No one laughs at me" Chris paced up and down his room "Nobody makes me look like a fool and gets away with it" he hated Clint even more.

There was a knock on his door "Yeah?"

"Fury wants to see us, hurry up and we give you a ride" Tony said, he didn't like the young man much.

He reminded him slightly of his old self and he didn't like the old Tony.

Chris composed himself and opened the door before Tony walked away "What does he want?"

"Something came up and he has new orders" Tony explained.

"Sounds interesting" Chris tried to sound interested, he was still too angry to care.

"I don't think we will have much fun" Tony disliked meetings of all kinds; they were boring and more often than not infuriating.

"Don't you like meetings?" Chris asked casually.

"Do you?" Tony raised his brows "I'm on top of a huge company. I had my share of boring meetings with people with an IQ like a goalpost.

Believe me no one will ever believe you when you say you like them.

If you want to climb up the greasy pole be honest, smart and kind. It's easier when people feel comfortable around you. They have to respect you but no one should fear you"

"I don't want people to fear me" Chris protested.

"It might not be your intention but you radiate an aura that borders on untrustworthy. So listen to me kid, if you want to be someone you have to find yourself first" Tony exited the house, escorting Chris to the limo.

Campbell remained silent for the whole ride, thinking about what Tony said but he couldn't understand why Tony, and his last superior implied that he was low life. He knew who he was and he wasn't untrustworthy he just didn't tell them everything he thought about. He was a great soldier and would be an even better first class agent. People lied and especially SHIELD agents had to lie a lot. Black Widow for example was a poster child for lies and nobody ever cared about that. So why was he so different?

They reached their destination.

"Good work" Nick started his speech "Great performance but Bruce, please, don't smash more than necessary. You cost us a fortune"

"Sorry" the man blushed "I do what I can"

"Thank you" Nick sighed "I have to announce a few changes within the chain of command"

"Changes, sir?" Clint asked.

He and Phil drove to HQ separate from their friends; they knew the time would come that they had to return to their duties.

Their workload had lessened because of Clint's breakdown but there was an end to everything.

"Cap will assume the leadership of the Avengers again, Coulson won't share duties with you for a while because he has to go back to his unit until further notice. There are a few emergencies we have to take care off"

"What's with Clint, will he take over my duties?" Phil asked surprised.

"He's that high in the ladder?" Cap blurted out.

"Thank you very much for your trust Cap" Clint smiled, it wasn't the way he hoped Cap would be informed about his status but it was okay though.

"Agent Barton will return to his own unit and lead them for at least two months. After that he will rejoin the Avenger project" Nick explained.

"Agent Barton has his own unit?" Campbell asked nosy and slightly horrified. His fellow colleagues were just as surprised.

"Yup. I'm leader of black ops. The last mission was special that's why Coulson and Fury interfered but normally I get orders and do what I have to" Clint said serious.

"How did **you** get your own unit?" Chris blurted out, blushing slightly at his slip-up.

"Hard work and a pushy personality" Clint said nonchalantly.

"If you work long enough with us and prove yourself you might get your own team too in a few years" Nick opened a case file.

"Just surprised" Chris backpedaled.

"So we won't see each other for a while?" Phil looked like a kicked puppy.

"Don't think so. Is that a problem?" Fury glared.

"No sir" Phil cast a sad look in Clint's direction. The archer frowned, whatever weights on his lover's soul had to wait until the meeting was over.

"Great" Nick stated and started to explain what they had planned for the future.

"Phil wait" Nick stopped him after the meeting ended, he couldn't shake off the feeling that his friend had issues "What's your problem?"

"It's fine, sir" Nick knew it was a lie. Phil rarely called him sir when they were alone "Spill it Coulson"

"You just blew our wedding, is that what you want to hear? I would have married him in a few days" Phil was angry.

He had planned his wedding together with Tony and Cap.

He wanted to marry Clint on Hawaii, it was meant as a surprise so Clint knew nothing about it but it still hurt to think that he couldn't marry the archer.

"You...Oh" Nick was at a loss for words "I'm sorry, Phil" he said finally.

"I have to make a new plan" his eyes glittered slightly and his shrug seemed bleak.

"I can help you, if you want. We could plan an even greater wedding" Nick offered.

"I don't want a bigger wedding, I just want him" Phil smiled sadly "I want our wedding to be special. Just for him and me. A beautiful ambience, our friends and peace. That's all I want, and I'm sure it's all he wants"

"After all is done. I'll grant you four weeks off" Nick put a hand on Phil's shoulder "and I expect a wedding, honey moon and rest during these weeks. Do you understand?"

Phil's expression lightened "Thank you Nick"

"Everything my friend, oh and I'll transfer Campbell. He's one brick short of a full load. We assumed that he wasn't the right choice but the recruiting department was sure he would be a good Agent. But after your report and Cap's..." Nick shook his head.

"What will happen to him?" Phil was relieved to get rid of the kid.

"Not sure. I think I will transfer him to security. Our old Bill could use a little help at the front desk" a phone call put an end to their discussion.

Phil left Nick alone with a smile on his face. Campbell didn't matter anymore, he would be off the team and they could act all lovey-dovey and in addition to that Clint was safe from Chris. Phil's first official act was to roll up his sleeves while he entered the lift. He promised his friends to meet them in the lobby.

::::::::::::::

Clint saw Phil approach before everyone else did and a smile appeared on his face. The bored look was gone completely. He took off his thin jacket and slung it over his shoulder.

Tony watched his movements and grinned, nudging Cap slightly. He gave Tony a wicked grin "we need to get tattoos, too" he whispered.

"We will see" Tony suppressed a smile "I thought you don't like to spoil your looks, by the way"

"So your name is dirty?" Cap whispered huskily. His breath tingled against Tony's ear "I'll show you dirty" Tony hissed.

"Kids behave" Bruce rolled his eyes, Nat giggled.

"Ah, he caught us. Again" Tony stated flatly "Why is it always you"

"I'm the most observant" Bruce offered. Tony huffed.

"So, what is the plan for today?" Nat said cheerful "We have to spend some time together, we might have to wait for months for a get together"

Phil put an arm around Clint's shoulder "a walk, light afternoon dinner and sex. But what about we accelerate movie night and I buy Pizza and beer, and coke" he added the last part for Tony.

"8 p.m.?" Cap asked, liking the idea of intercourse.

"Agreed" Clint winked at Campbell before Phil dragged him out of the building.

Chris raged inwardly, was that a tattoo on Coulson's arm? And it seemed that the archer, too, had something written on the inside of his arm. They were a couple and he didn't even notice, they were playing with him all along. The archer had the upper hand and gave him the runaround, waiting for Chris to lose his face. They all knew what was going on between their superior and Hawkeye, a subordinate. It was wrong on so many levels that Campbell didn't know anymore what angered him most. But Campbell knew one thing, Barton had to pay for what he did. The question was, how?

"Have you seen Campbell's face as the pieces clicked together?" Clint snuggled closer to Phil, pulling the sheets tighter around them.

"Yeah, priceless" Phil held the archer close "but I don't like the glitter in his eyes. The kid is a nutcase, and Fury agrees. Even Steve sees it"

"What will happen with the kid?"

"He will be promoted" Phil said serious.

"You're kidding!" Clint lifted his head to get a better look on his boyfriend.

"He will be Bill's right hand" Coulson's expression remained serious.

"Bill, like in Bill the old man at the front desk, of S.H.I.E.L.D HQ, who can barely see and hear but got the memory of an elephant..."

"Exactly" Phil began to laugh.

"That's one hell of a punishment... for Bill" Clint chuckled "Remind me to buy Bill the cake he loves so much"

"I'll get the Bourbon" Phil wasn't sure if Nick's idea was wise but time would tell.

"Will we be in danger?" Clint's tone lost all humor.

"I don't know. I hope not but the kid is unpredictable" Phil kissed Clint's cheek "He hates you, very much and I think I lost his favor too. He's not happy about us right know and he will not be happy to be transferred. I think Nick will tell him about it tomorrow, or he already has, I don't know, but to hell with the kid"

They remained silent for a while and continued to cuddle before Clint broke the comfortable silence between them.

"I will miss you" Clint said with a huge amount of sadness in his voice.

"I will miss you too but we can see each other once in a while" Phil tried to sooth his lover, and himself.

"I have to go to Romania, and god knows for how long" Clint hated his order with passion but knew he had to follow them.

"I have to stay here, my job is it to regroup our troops and come up with plans and next month we will head out for Chile" Phil knew as well as Clint that they just talked about thinks the other shouldn't know but it didn't matter to them.

"That means we will not see each other for the whole two months I'm reassigned" Clint realized, and with a smooth motion he sat on top of Phil "Make my body remember you, don't be gentle. I want to feel you all over me for two months"

"Under one condition" Phil clasped Clint's waist.

"Which is?" Clint breathed against Phil's neck.

"You have to return the favor" Phil tilted his head to grant Clint better access to his neck.

"I'd love to" Clint bit into Phil's soft skin until he left a flashy mark.

::::::::::::

"Thought you forgot us" Tony smirked as Clint and Phil entered the living room.

"Who could forget a colorful character like you" Clint put a hand above his heart.

"Nice try, kid but your late nonetheless" Tony threw popcorn at Clint.

"You're cleaning that up" Cap peek over the backrest of the sofa "Your poor housemaid has enough to do as it is"

"strange that she loves us despite our liability to untidiness" Cap remembered the chaos they left behind after the party they threw after they defeated the Skrull.

"First: we are lovely people, it's practically not possible to dislike us. Second: Her paycheck is huge and third: I bought her and her family a nice house on the beach after the cooking incident a few months ago" Tony said while he eyed the T.V.

"You mean where you blew up half the kitchen during your little experiment to improve the mixer" Phil raised a brow.

"It was not my fault" he shrugged.

"If you say so" Bruce grinned broadly.

"Yep, I say so" Stark stuffed popcorn into his mouth "Sir, could I possibly remind you of the incident with..." Tony almost choked on the popcorn as Jarvis chimed up "Shut up or I pull the plug" Jarvis remained silent.

"Aha" Clint settled down on the empty sofa to the right, Phil followed his example "So what did you blow up?"

"Nothing" Tony continued to stare at the T.V., the archer chuckled.

Campbell strolled into the room, Phil sighed. Fury had not spoken to the young man.

"What are we watching tonight?" he took the last empty seat next to Bruce.

"Star Wars V" they said in unison. _Okay, nerds_ the young man thought _I hate Star Wars_ _but that's a fact I should keep to myself._

"I thought it's more relaxing and cosy to watch a movie we all know" Cap stretched out and put an arm around Tony "Makes it easier to chat"

"True" Chris confirmed "How long?" he pointed at Phil's tattoo, now he could read it clearly.

"A few weeks but if we stretch the official being together part you could say ... almost eight years" Phil replied. Chris frowned, he had seen the archer with a platinum band around his finger but it's the first time he saw a ring on Coulson's finger. He had thought the archer was in a relationship with a woman, that one he wanted to take out a while ago. His mind stopped for a millisecond at that thought. The plans and the dirty grin the archer wore was meant for his superior. Barton had fucked his boss behind his back while he tried to show respect to the older Agent and the follow Avengers had covered them. A nonviolent plan formed in his mind, it might be a more painful plan than the gory one he had before.

Tony almost growled at the look on the young man's face "Got a problem with it?"

"No" Chris jerked "Just surprised" he remembered the night at the club, missions and the older man moving in, _was it Barton's room he moved into?_ He never paid attention to whom occupied which room.

"Have you decided on a date yet?" Bruce changed the subject before the evening could end with a fistfight.

"I had a date in mind but I have to change my plans a little" Phil sighed deeply "But I think I made up a good back up plan"

"Aww, it was Hawaii wasn't it" the archer almost jumped up and down on his seat like a child.

"Yes" Phil put an arm around him to keep him still, he made him antsy, too.

"Aww, I will spit in Nick's coffee" Barton pouted.

"Don't you dare. Even I could not safe your sorry ass, and neither could Cap" Phil tried hard not to laugh at the childish idea.

"I'll engrave the name of his Ex-wife into his weapon then"

"That would be even more disastrous" Phil winced. Nick and his Ex loved and hated each other with passion, they just couldn't decide if they like or dislike another.

"He'll shoot you" Bruce stated, he heard a lot about their rather, unorthodox marriage.

"Hey, I put a tarantula into his desk drawer. He might pretend to be a fearless bad-ass but he hates creepy crawlies. Took a lot out of him not to scream and squirm like a freaked out girl" Clint told the story with joy.

"And you know that because...?" Tony looked amused.

"I did what I do best. I hid in the ventilation shaft and watched. I even made a video, in case you want to see it one day" he mentioned casually.

"What has he done to get on your bad side" Tony's eyes gave away how much he wanted to see the movie in the near future.

"He send Phil away and parked my sorry ass in Franklin's unit. Phil got hurt somewhere in the jungle while I had to stay put and write reports to stay out of the guy's hair" Clint's expression darkened.

"I got bitten by a snake while we observed an enemy camp. Nick is lucky I could talk Clint out of it to put a death adder into his locker, what a creature was it again a Acanthophis hawkei?" Phil scratched his forehead.

"Yep" Clint nodded.

"They live in Australia" Tony frowned "I don't want to know how you would have gotten that thing into the country" he said after a moment.

"Good choice" the archer grinned, _Creepy_ a shiver ran down Tony's spine at the meaning behind the grin.

::::::::::::

"I think I was never as relieved as right now that I'm your friend" Bruce looked slightly aghast.

"Love you too buddy" Clint made himself comfortable with his head in Phil's lap.

"I'm still surprised Nick never took revenge" Phil caressed Clint's head.

"Oh, he did" Barton confessed "He roasted the poor thing to make his point clear and I had to eat it. Okay he order Sitwell to flare off that thing but I promised to keep the secret" a smug smile appeared on his face.

"I'm not hungry anymore" Cap put the slice of Pizza down he intended to eat moments ago.

"I take it" Tony snatched the Pizza from the plate.

"That figures" Steve mumbled in disgust.

Campbell tried not to freak out, these people were totally and utterly insane. the whole agency was a freak show but he wanted to carve out a career. It shouldn't be that difficult with competition like them "That move didn't get you fired? I'm impressed"

"I'm too valuable to be killed" Barton shrugged "and he knows I was near with our doctor on the phone, in case he was allergic. I don't kill my friends"

"Good to know" Bruce muttered.

"and I have to confess one more detail. It wasn't the spider they fried and served. I didn't know that at the time but the poor spider was somewhere in a terrarium"

"What did you eat?" Cap wasn't so sure if he wanted the answer.

"Don't worry just fried and unrecognizable chicken, I hope" Clint caressed Phil's knee, he had been truly angry at Nick but he knew well that the older man didn't intend to hurt one of his men. It was part of the job.

"We all did things here and there we aren't proud of. Okay, you are proud of it" Phil shook his head at the smug expression on his lover's face.

"Uhu, what have you done Agent? What is the meanest thing you've ever done?" Tony enjoyed it and hoped no one would ask about his experiments anymore.

Phil licked his lips "I have to say Nat and Clint are my responsibility for a long time"

"Just a responsibility?" Natasha joined them , she had to work longer "You wound me" she walked over to Bruce and settled down in his lap. Bruce put his arms around her in a possessive manner.

The older man rolled his eyes "We are a team for a very long time" he corrected.

"That's better" she had heard a little about the snake story while she walked to her room to take a shower and change and the opportunity to show who the clumsy agent truly was, was too tempting to ignore. They called him bad-ass at work and outside. They had no idea.

"'Aw, come on spill it" Tony clapped his hands, waiting for information he could use to tease the agent.

"What is taking so long?" she asked "Let me tell the story"

"Oh-oh" Clint took Phil's hand to prevent him from running. Natasha tended to tell stories like exciting news. She could have been a T.V. host he realized. In addition to that she told every detail, absolutely everything, whether it was gory, bordering on pervert or absolutely X-rated.

Whatever she had to say, whether it was good or bad, could take turn to very embarrassing, in no time.

"Our dear Coulson had the image of a peeper for quite a while" she began and grinned broadly "He'd invited Agent Hanningan to a sparing cession because he dared to grab my ass. I was new to S.H.I.E.L.D and I think Phil was worried I might kill him so he took matters in his own hands. He broke Hanningan's wrist and collarbone. What he didn't take into account was that his action made him the hero for all the underestimated women. He couldn't get rid of his admirers and one day they chased him through HQ. He hid in the first room he could find"

Phil groaned and Clint laughed at his lover's embarrassment.

"It was the women changing room" Nat continued "Suddenly he was surrounded by a horde of screaming and indignant women. They say he blushed furiously and stuttered terribly they hadn't the heart to be angry. So they got quickly dressed and tried to cheer him up. With a Thermos flask of coffee and homemade cookies"

Phil sat on the sofa not sure if he should run or play it cool "That was a long time ago" he tried to hide the shame from his voice and was rather successful.

"Our dear Phil is a peeper, who had thought that" Tony smirked satisfied.

"He had six telephone numbers and lipstick on his collar after he left the room" Clint added, only slightly sorry for his partner.

"I'm popular" Phil replied self-confident, not that he was for real.

"That was the most perfidious thing you ever did?" Tony gesticulated "I mean your image is rather dark, I thought you annihilated a whole unit or sold your mother"

"Tony" Bruce groaned "It's not always a matter of being a killer. Agent Coulson is strong-willed and clever"

Clint noticed how pale his lover was and his breath quickened "I did something of the kind" he whispered while he pushed Clint into a upright position. The archer was confused, his lover seemed ready to bolt.

Phil took a deep breath, he had to tell Clint sooner or later what he did. He felt guilty for years and it was time to talk about it, even if Clint hated him and he'd lose everything they had.

"You don't have to tell them" Clint reached for Phil's hand but the older man moved his hand away.

"I killed Hawkeye's brother" he confessed gravely.

"You did what!" Tony and Cap said shocked.

"I shot him" Coulson lowered his gaze "Clint I,... I'm sorry. I..."

Clint looked shocked and Phil knew it was over between them, he was alone.

"You can take revenge if you want, you have every right to, I don't fight back" the older man offered resigned.

"Phil" the archer sighed deeply, he tilted his head a little and a gentle smile appeared on his face. Phil made his peace while the smile took him by surprise.

Their friends were ready to interfere should all hell break loose.

The archer reached out again, Phil flinched but didn't move away he was determined to live with the consequence.

"Phil" Clint said carefully, a tone he normally used for frightened animals or scared children "I know that"

The Agent needed time to understand what his lover told him "..." he couldn't make a sound.

"I wanted to know who took the shot back then and I studied the files. I know Nick classified them but I had to know"

"Is all we have, and had, your version of punishment for me? If it is you have been successful" the older man said sadly.

"All we have, and had, is real. My love is real and my forgiveness" Barton moved closer to his lover and put an arm around his shoulder to pull him against his side "I'm happy that it was you" he kissed his partner's temple.

"How can you be happy" Phil didn't understand.

"How could you kill the brother of a fellow comrade?" Campbell said in disgust.

The look in Tony's and Bruce eyes mirrored Chris's words, just Cap seemed to be unsure of what to make out of it.

"He tried to kill Clint" Natasha said "He came back after all those years just to kill his little brother. He'd have succeeded if Phil had not reacted"

"You know too?" Phil felt agitated.

"He came to me after he found the file" she stated "He was angry but not with you"

"I know I would be dead if none of the agents had shot him but at that time I thought I should have died. My brother had the upper-hand and I was the weakling. I was too weak to truly fight against him. After some rest and time to think I realized that I'm happy to be alive" Clint rubbed soothing circles over Phil's upper arm "You know, I'm glad that you shot him because you care. My precious brother wasn't just a nobody in your eyes. I know you well enough to be sure of that. You had to decide and you made your choice but at the same time you felt sorry for Barney, and for me. My brother was someone the moment he died, he was more than a target, more than one of many. And therefore I thank you. Thank you for giving the dead person you carry in your memory a face and name, and thank you that it wasn't me who had to kill him"

"He was your brother, it's wrong you had to fight in the first place. It was all so wrong" Phil regained some of his mental strength and his voice sounded stronger.

"Life isn't fair" Clint sounded slightly amused "but you know that as well as I do. I waited for years for you to tell me the truth, that it was you and not one of your men. Whom do you intended to protect with your silence yourself or me?" the answer was not really important.

"Both but mainly myself" Phil answered honestly.

"Good" Clint said cheerful "There's still hope for you then. Your self-sacrificing streak worries me, for years, and I wasn't sure you're able to think of yourself"

"I can be a pretty selfish person. I entered a relationship with you knowing I killed your brother without you knowing. At last that's what I thought" Phil glared at his lover.

"Everyone has the right to be selfish once in a while, right?" Clint looked at his friends for help.

"I killed the murderer of my family, leaving two crying children behind, screaming for their daddy to wake up" Natasha shrugged "I feel sorry for his kids but I'd do it again"

"It's a well known fact that I tend to be selfish" Tony stated.

"I stole my best friend girlfriend" Cap offered his own story.

"Don't look at me the big guy within me lays cities in ashes and my human part, what can I say I tend to push people away, with force" he gave Natasha a meaningful look, she was the first after his accident he let close.

Campbell remained silent, he didn't want to share how he blew a fellow comrades brain out just to prevent his promotion.

"See. It's in our nature" Clint mourned his brother but he was okay, he never blamed Phil or S.H.I.E.L.D for what happened, he had lost his brother long before the incident "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah" Phil said obviously relieved "I thought you wring my neck for it"

"Nah, too much trouble. All the paperwork and bitching from Nick" Clint said lightly, tracing his finger along Phil's tattoo "and bring word to the people you meet during your mission that, in case you suffer even the tiniest scratch, I'll blow their brain out" the archer was serious "No one lays hand on what is mine, not even my brother" he brought his brother into the game to make his point clear.

"Isn't it too harsh?" Bruce thought of all the poor neewbies within S.H.I.E.L.D with huge holes in their skulls. Nat coughed slightly and her boyfriend gave her a confused look.

"What?"

"Nothing" she said too quick, looking nervous.

"What have you guys done now" Cap narrowed his eyes while his gaze wandered to Clint.

They just shrugged at the accusation.

"Diaz had a little accident a few days ago on his way to work" she rushed, she couldn't bear Bruce's gaze any longer "and Gina, you know the pretty intrusive woman working in the armoury, resigned and fled the country. She left everything behind and just went into hiding"

"I might have told Gina that I'm not happy that she flirts with Phil" Clint confessed rubbing the back of his head, nervously "But I know nothing about Diaz, I swear"

"He was bothersome" Phil said without the tiniest hint of regret in his tone.

"You're part of his accident? Why?" Cap sounded indignant but he wasn't surprised anymore.

"Oh, I had Nick's permission" the Agent might have told Nick what Diaz did and said, and he might have gathered information about past missions and the wastage of good agents he had during these missions. Nick wasn't happy with the number of Agents he lost over the last twelve years, he wasn't pleased with Diaz's behavior in general.

"Sneaky bastard" Clint huffed, he knew the expression on his lover's face.

"I told him I'll shoot him in case you got hurt and he lied to me" Phil said nonchalantly, Clint laughed "You shot at him?"

"Kneecap, he won't lead any troops anytime soon. His first and last warning"

Cap sighed heavily "You're unbelievable. Children"

"You wanted to keep the kid" Tony reminded Cap.

"I wonder why" the blond mumbled.

"Why indeed?" Tony smirked "I have a theory about it but I don't think the theory will please you"

"Aw, shut up" Steve huffed "Make me" Stark challenged. Cap grabbed Tony's collar and pulled the engineer into an angry kiss that left Tony breathless "That's better"

Tony just stared at him, remaining silent.

Clint snickered and Phil hid his face against Clint's neck to hide his laughter. Bruce and Natasha were less reluctant to show their amusement.

"What hell of a family" Clint cheered "Thank you for ignoring all our quirks" he meant Cap.

The old soldier just waved his hand in annoyance before he snatched the bowl with popcorn from Tony "Kids" he muttered under his breath.

They watched the rest of the movie in comfortable silence.

"What are you doing now?" Nat stood up and stretched her sore limbs.

"Sleep" Steve poked Tony in the ribs, the engineer had fallen asleep half an hour before the movie ended.

"Sleep" Coulson looked at Clint, he seemed tired.

"Good night then" she hugged her friends and wished them luck.

"Clint what are you doing?" Phil brushed his teeth while Clint rummaged through their room.

"I'm here" he strolled into the bathroom. Coulson raised a brow but didn't demand an answer.

After they finished their evening ritual Phil re-entered the bedroom. He stopped so suddenly that Clint almost bumped into him "Do you like it?" the archer whispered. Breath tickling against the Agent's ear.

"I did not know that you are a romantic Agent Barton" humor clearly in his voice.

"I do what I can" he opened a bottle of Phil's favorite beer, he wasn't cheesy enough to open wine or champagne .

The light was dimmed and a single rose lay on top of Phil's pillow, music echoed through the air "Dance with me"

Coulson nodded, putting his arm around Clint's well build waist.

_I promised myself__  
I promised I'd wait for you__  
The midnight hour__  
I know you'll shine on through_

_I promised myself  
I promised the world to you  
I gave you flowers  
You made my dreams come true_

"I love you so much and whatever happens in the future, I will wait for you. Even if I have to wait until the world goes down in flames" Clint's arms hang loosely around his lover's shoulders.

"Two months Clint, you just have to wait for two months" Phil assured, they both knew there was no real date for their return, an assignment wasn't limited in time but it made it easier to have a date in mind "we can do it"

"Yeah" he inhaled deeply, treasuring Phil's scent. He loved the older man with all his heart.

His clear blue eyes and cheeky facial features made his heart race, every time he looked at him, since the first day they met. It didn't matter that Coulson was older, lost a few hairs over the years or was still as awkward around people he treasured as he was years ago. All that mattered was that they were together. Sometimes Phil made him feel like the rebellious young man he was as the Agent found him so long ago. Sometimes he wished they could simply retire. the job was too dangerous, but he knew that they could not live without it either. S.H.I.E.L.D. was part of their life for so long, it was as much like family like the Avengers.

"Clint, snap out of it. It worries me" Phil eyed his lover. There was a small smile on his archer's face that meant his thoughts were positive but Clint could torture himself even with positive emotions. The better his memories the harder would be the fall once they had to part. He didn't know why but Clint clung to emotions, if he did it intentionally or not that he did not know but it wasn't good in the long run.

"I love your eyes" the archer caressed the side of Phil's face with his finger tips "I love the wrinkles you got over the years. They make your smile even more breathtaking when it reaches your eyes" his hand slid behind Phil's head and cupped his neck, pulling him closer into a gentle kiss "_How many of us out there__, Feel the need to run__and look for shelter, I promised myself__  
That I'd say a prayer for you__, A brand new tomorrow__, __Where all you wish comes true_" he sang along, not knowing what else to say. though it was more like a whisper against Phil's lips. It gave him time to just feel, not to think or worry.

Phil gave him shelter and a home long ago and he would be damned if he lets Phil come back without a home he has to return to. He promised himself to live, for Phil and his friends. Life was a beautiful thing once you learned to handle it.

_In the midnight hour  
I will wait for you  
I will wait for you  
I will wait for you_

Phil smiled gently before he initiated a heated kiss. His hand grabbed Clint's waist and he pressed him against the next wall. Getting rid of the archer's pants with ease.

"Don't stop" Clint whispered between kisses. He slung his legs around Phil's waist "Do it"

Phil knew his lover could take it. It wasn't the first time they did it unprepared and bareback, but he snatched some of the perfume free cream they had on top of the dresser. Clint normally used it to keep the skin of his hands flexible. He used it as a lubricant before he pushed into his lover.

He heard a groan that bordered between pain and pleasure "You sure?" Phil panted.

"Move" Clint ordered with a smile to assure his lover that it was indeed okay and he wasn't made of glass.

Their love making was fast and messy but more than satisfying for both of them.

Phil loved how Clint's muscular body flexed against his with each trust and touch. His muscles tightened and stretched in unison with his own. Clint was beautiful in every possible way, especially the tone of voice he uses only for him. Gentle, caring and just a little cheeky at times.

Clint loves the way Phil calls out his name and clings to him after they reached their climax. The last remaining twitches of his muscles the gentle kisses they share, those were more than simple reminders of the older Agent's love for him. Clint knew that Phil was as devoted to him as Clint was devoted to Phil.

"Careful, I pull out" Phil said after he caught his breath, he lifted Clint up to spare him more pain in the progress.

"We should take a shower" Clint rested his head on Phil's shoulder. He could feel his lover's hot semen leaking out of him. For one moment he wished he was a woman, so he could conceive his lover's child. Adoption was okay too.

"You're so clingy I'm scared to leave you alone the next two months" the older man caressed his lover's head.

"I'm fine. It's just... in our line of work, everything is possible and surviving isn't exactly part of our job description"

"I know but all we can do is to pay attention and fight for what we want" Coulson said serious. Clint nodded, he knew Phil was right, he knew that all along but it didn't ease his worry. Knowing his fiancé, Phil was just as agitated as he was "Let's take our shower"

:::::::::::::

1. A/N: I couldn't decide on a snake and as I looked down and saw my mice - hardware-, I thought why not. While I looked up what Death adder meant in my own language - I did it once but I forgot what kind of snake it was and I realized that the name of one of the death adder species reminded me of Hawkeye, thank you dear, mice

2. A/N: I don't own the song and never will, I can't sing even when my life depended on it. Everything goes to Nick Kamen, "I promised myself" is his. Was a great song when I was a kid, didn't understand English back then but, pfff, what the hell and it still is one of my, many, favorite songs from back then


	9. What took you so long?

Clint was trapped in a town god knows where in Romania. He was in Romania before but never in this town. He infiltrated a special unit, they worked for a well known weapons dealer. the first two weeks had been touch and go, they didn't trust easily and they definitely did not trust anyone from the other end of the world.

He had to pass many tests and had to prove his loyalty, killing a young dealer was the hardest thing he had to do in a long time. He tried to sell drugs to the weapon-dealers daughter and therefore caught a bullet in the head.

"Hey, Marshall are you ready for the meeting with Wong?" Clint suppressed a sigh, he hoped the meeting would provide the information he needed and then he could finally call his cleaning-crew. Oleg was his superior, the team he worked for contained almost every possible nationality. Legionnaires from all over the world gathered in this little town because the pay was high and questions weren't asked. Clint liked the citizens of the town, they were friendly people but fright overshadowed their idyllic life. Barton made their freedom his goal the day he set foot into the town. He loved the old woman who ran the bakery, her daughter was a firecracker and Clint hoped she wouldn't get herself killed before he could get rid of Calin.

Calin was a dangerous and highly intelligent man. He ran every business down here, weapons, human trafficking, drugs, prostitution... and the list went on and on. Clint was sure two months were more than enough to worm his way in to get the information about Hammer industries he needed but no he had to catch a Tartar. Calin was the most paranoid guy he ever met. Only a few handpicked soldier got permission to see him and today was the day Clint awaited for two months and four god damn days. Frank and Blade were just as impatient than he was.

Barton worked his ass off to get the offer to protect Calin during the meeting with someone called Wong. Frank got the information that he was a middleman, working for Hammer.

"I'm ready, boss" Clint flashed Oleg a smile and holstered his gun.

"Good man" Oleg liked his newcomer. He was hardworking and morally questionable just like himself "Let's go then"

The meeting was a flop, they talked a lot and Clint observed even more but valuable information were rare and the worst part was that Calin sent his vice and wasn't there himself.

So Clint spent more days with twisting his comrades around his fingers to gain Calin's favor.

One evening eight days after the meeting he got the chance to meet Calin in person, luckily the older man offered him a place in his personal guard.

Of course Clint agreed it was the best chance he got 'til then and for one short moment Clint thought Calin was going to seal their deal with a kiss but that couldn't be, the guy was straight as one of his arrows.

"He likes you" Oleg grinned after Calin left.

"I don't know why"

"Your good, and one hell of an eye candy"

"He has a wife and kids" Clint narrowed his eyes.

"He tends to bed women and men, but mostly women. His wife knows that" Oleg had an affair with Calin's wife. His boss knew that of course so it was safe.

"Open relationship" the other man nodded at Clint's statement.

"Welcome in our inner circle" Oleg offered him a hand.

"I'm honored" Clint shook Oleg's hand.

"Oh and Marshall" Oleg said before he left "Be careful"

Clint nodded "You, too. Oleg"

The man smiled and left, he liked Marshall a lot.

Clint sighed deeply, he missed his lover even more and hoped he was fine, too.

Couslon was as much a trouble magnet as Clint was.

After three more days Clint gathered the needed information and called his team to back him up.

Sadly Oleg was one of the many dead soldiers and Clint mourned him.

He walked the wrong path but he was a good guy, deep in his heart.

Calin tried to bribe them with a huge amount of money and he seemed honestly surprised as they refused to take it.

Frank shot him in the head to shut him up, while Blade killed two more soldiers.

Clint downloaded important data in the mean time. It was easier to keep an USB flash drive safe instead of a hard-drive, especially while they were on the run.

"Go, go, go" Clint finished his task and ordered them to leave.

The military was on their way, it seemed that Calin even owned the army.

Their flight was long and exhausting but they made it.

After a long week of hiding and fighting they passed the border, at first it was the wrong border but it didn't matter as long the army stayed in their own country and they didn't piss off the Ukrainians.

Clint had a few bruises and a badly fractured cheekbone and Frank caught a bullet to his tight, luckily the bullet just grazed him or they would have not made it, not without leaving Frank behind and that was never an option. They found a young intern in a little village, he visited his parents.

Blade had kidnapped the poor kid and provided everything the kid might needed.

After the young man realized whom he was helping he did it of his own free will and wasn't too angry at Blade for ruining his holidays.

After that they headed for Moldova where a jet was waiting for them to bring them back home.

Unfortunately the jet wasn't there anymore and they had to steal fresh clothes and organize faked passports to leave the country via Lufthansa's economy class.

Blade was fine but he fussed over Frank during their flight.

Clint would have said it was cute but he was sure Blade would skin him alive for saying it out loud.

So instead of mocking them he closed his not swollen eye and gave in to his exhaustion.

::::::::::::::

"Couslon calm down, will you" Stark sighed the frustration clearly audible.

Phil paced up and down in the living room while he read a file "I have a mission to plan"

"You can do that while you sit" Tony glared at him, he was making him nervous.

"I need some exercise"

"Pacing hardly counts as exercise" Tony huffed.

"Agent Coulson, please" Bruce entered the living room "You're pacing for two hours"

Phil looked at the man for a moment "Fine" he sat down on the couch.

"Thank you" Banner took a book and made himself comfortable on the armchair.

It was already dark and everyone except for Phil laid their work to rest for the day.

"Stop it Phil" Steve joined them "put the file away and get some rest. You're very busy for the last few weeks. He will not return faster because you run yourself into the ground"

That got Phil's attention "We knew two months was a rough calculation"

"Doesn't mean you don't worry" Steve sat down next to Phil.

"He is fine" he had to be fine.

"You don't have to be Coulson with us, you can be Phil" Rogers reminded him.

"He is fine" he repeated. Phil knew he would crack once he let go of his well guarded emotions.

"Okay" Steve got up and joined Tony on his couch.

Phil's cell phone rang "Coulson" he nodded "Yes, sir" he lowered his gaze "I understand, thank you..., the report will be ready, sir. I know" he hung up.

Furry was worried about his old friend but he knew his coping strategies well enough to know he was hurting.

The more he was hurting the more he buried himself in his work.

"Phil?" Steve asked after Phil continued to work without saying a word.

"Steve" he looked up.

"Who called?"

"Director Fury. He informed me that Barton's team is now officially declared as MIA, and he needs the report for today's mission tomorrow morning" he stated before he wrote something down.

"Officially? Does that mean they're missing for a while now?" Steve gasped.

Phil took a deep breath "We lost contact over two weeks ago"

"Clint" Tony felt absolutely terrible "We have to look for them, we..."

"No" Phil used his commanding tone "We can't march into a foreign country without a good reason"

Tony knew he was right, of course he was. Phil would have started to look for him weeks ago if he had seen a chance "The kid is just hiding from us"

"One of his more pronounced abilities" Phil closed the file, he couldn't stand it "He knows how to make himself invisible but his teammates do not"

"Who?" Bruce wasn't sure if it was legal to get an answer

"Frank and Blade" they were good but not at maintaining a low profile.

"He's back in no time, wait and see" Steve didn't know what else to say.

"I will do that Captain" he gathered his papers together "Good night" he went back to his room. He wanted to be alone, to break and rage.

He missed his lover so desperately it was hard to focus on anything else.

Phil threw himself on top of their bed, it didn't matter that he still wore his suit.

Clint's scent faded exactly 16 days ago and it was hard to find his lover's smell so picked the first piece of clothes from the hamper that greeted his eyes. It was Clint's favorite jumper.

Every Agent who passes the training and made it to a full Agent got a Jumper.

Phil owned one, too.

Clint was so proud to get the jumper, he could see it in his friends eyes even though his expression was bland.

The jumper showed the world that Clint was someone, like the people with their University jumpers, showing off how smart they are or how rich in case of some noble Universities.

Clint never made it this far but he made it far with S.H.I.E.L.D and that was more than Clint ever dared to hope for.

After a long hour Phil finally fell asleep, haunted by his bitter thoughts.

::::::::::::::

Many more days passed before Phil received the call he was waiting for.

"I'm on my way" he stormed out of his office and almost ran into Cap.

"Coulson?" he frowned.

"They arrive at HQ in five minutes, hurry up if you want to tag along" Phil yelled not slowing down while he informed Steve.

Rogers couldn't hide his surprised and forced his legs to work, once his body listened to him he followed Phil to the infirmary.

"Geez, Phillip calm down" Fury put a hand on his friends shoulder "He's alive"

"Where did you find them?" Steve asked.

"We didn't. They found us" he smirked "they organized fake ID's and boarded a regular flight back to the States"

"That's Clinton to a T" Phil chuckled, closing his eyes for a brief moment.

"Hey guys" Frank hollered, leaning heavily on Blade.

"Clint" Phil approached his lover slowly, he looked like he would break with one touch.

"Hey" Clint tried to smile but winced at the pain his try caused.

"What took you so long, agent?" Coulson pulled Clint into his arms and held him tight, hearing his lover's voice broke all his inner defensive walls he tried to hold upright for weeks, even their shared joke seemed weak.

"Stuck in a traffic jam, sir" Clint's eyes began to gleam as he put his arms around Phil, inhaling his scent and listening to his breathing next to his ear "I was worried"

"Why is that Agent?" Phil kept his tears at bay, it was characteristic for Clint to worry about him while he was the one MIA.

"Was worried you got hurt without me" he kissed Phil's cheek.

"Look who's talking" the older man chuckled before he returned the gesture and kissed Clint's uninjured cheek.

"Sorry to interrupt" three doctors and an armada of nurses joined them "but we have to treat their wounds"

Phil let go of Clint and took his hand instead, following him into the treatment room.

"Give us a call, okay?" Steve called out before they entered the room.

Phil gave him a nod.

::::::::::::::

"I can't believe they did that" Tony was impressed.

"Obviously they did" Steve stated.

They were on their way to HQ to visit Clint.

Phil didn't tell them anything just that Clint will live and that they finally got permission to come by.

"I'm not surprised, Barton is one of a kind" Bruce held Natasha's hand.

She was distant and in a bad mood since Barton was missing but now that he was back his girlfriend was her old self again.

"Not the first time he pulled a stunt like that" she leaned against Bruce.

They had to wait a few more minutes before they could see him, the doctor had something important to discuss with Clint.

"I believe that" Tony had missed the kid and it felt good to have him back.

"He stole a tank and uniforms, we followed the convoy for miles, at night we made our escape 'cause we were close to the next border. Nobody ever realized what really happened" she smiled at the memory, the mission was everything but pleasant, but after a few years and more close calls than they were comfortable with their past catastrophes started to be funny.

"You can see him now" the doctor said while he passed them.

"Either Clint is his normal pain-in-the-as self around the doctors or Phil misbehaves" Natasha smirked.

"Agent Coulson?" Steve raised a brow.

"You have no idea" she laughed and entered the room.

"OW" Tony winced in sympathy "What happened to your face"

"Nice to see you too" Clint mocked.

"You had us worried for a while" Steve sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I took a blow to the head and the guy fractured my cheekbone. I need surgery but then I will be my pretty and charming self again" joking about his injuries was better than talking about emotions.

"Clint" Steve warned gently.

"He won't walk through any metal detectors anytime soon" Phil clung to his lover's hand.

"What?" Nat seemed so sad that Bruce took her into his arms.

"Nails and metal plates will hold my bones in place for a while" Clint squeezed Phil's hand, he could feel his lover's tension "it's not a simple break. You should have seen my nose bleed. I could have fed Blade for days with it"

"Don't joke" Phil and Nat warned in unison, he felt so loved.

It was time to be honest "I'm lucky they let me on the plane. I couldn't see a damn thing for a week through the right eye. It was swollen shut and purple. Do you remember the time I got whipped?"

"How could I forget" Phil swallowed the lump that formed in his throat "You whined that it was the most painful injury you ever had"

"Yep, and I was wrong. Getting your face smashed hurts far worse" Clint closed his eyes.

"Get some rest, the surgery will require most of your strength" Phil caressed Clint's head while he watched him, intensely.

"We should leave" Steve got up "See you tomorrow" he promised and ushered his friends out of the room.

"I love you, sir" Clint said finally.

"I love you, too" Coulson let the tears flow, he couldn't hold them in any longer.

"Come here" Clint moved closer the edge of the bed to make some space for Phil.

The older man joined him on the bed and snuggled into Clint.

The archer put an arm around his lover and held him close "I'm here" he kissed the top of Phil's head.

"Try to sleep, love" Phil felt Clint's eyes on him.

"I can't" he confessed "Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course" Phil huffed in annoyance, he would do anything for his archer.

"Talk to me, please. Just say something"

Phil tilted his head a little and spoke into Clint's ear, just the way he did when he talked to Clint via radio. It wasn't the first time Clint requested to hear his voice.

The archer fell asleep within minutes.

:::::::::::::::

Surgery was successful and the bones mended well a few more months and they would take out the metal.

To mark the occasion Phil invited him to join him for a short trip.

Clint was surprised because Phil refused to tell him where they were going but he let it pass.

He trusted Phil.

Phil organized a flight to their destination and Clint could see the ocean beneath them, the water changed its color after a long time.

"Where are we?" Clint tried again but Phil just smiled at him before he continued to read the file in his hand.

The archer chuckled and linked his arm with Phil's before he rested his head on his lover's shoulder.

Many hours later their plane landed and Phil had to wake his sleeping lover "Clint wake up"

"That's what you call a short-trip" Clint rubbed his eyes, it was nice to see him do that without a pained expression.

"Well, could have been longer" he said simply.

"Idiot" Clint grumbled lovingly "So where are we" they left the plane and Clint's jaw almost dropped "Wow"

"Praslin" Phil took Clint's hand.

"You mean like Praslin part of Seychelles, that Praslin?" his eyes were wide.

"Yes" Phil nodded "exactly"

"Awesome" he loved Phil even more "You are awesome Agent Coulson"

"I know" a cocky smirk appeared on the Agent's face "now let's go"

"Our home" pointed at a villa, Clint was speechless.

"Welcome my dear friends" Tony greeted them, he rented the villa for a month.

"Tony" Clint gasped, he was confused.

"Come" Natasha appeared with a broad smile on her face "Get a move on" she dragged him into the house.

Leaving Phil and Tony behind.

"Nat?" her smile scared the hell out of him.

She gave him a peck on the cheek before she spoke "We are here for your wedding"

For one frightening moment he thought he'd faint "My..."

"Yeah" she took a suit out of the wardrobe "Beautiful isn't it?" her boss was such a romantic.

"He... he will marry me? Here?" he spread his arms. The island was absolutely breathtaking and the villa was great but it looked damn expensive, too.

"You are worth it" she read his thoughts "He loves you Clint, and he wants you to see it"

"I think I get a heart attack" he sat down on the bed next to him, taking deep breaths "Holly..."

"He's looking forward to it for weeks now. Believe me he's just as scared as you are right now. You should have seen him yesterday. He was a nervous wreck" Phil was at the airport the day before to wish them a good flight.

"I'm so happy I could die" a broad smile appeared on Clint's face.

Natasha never saw him smile like that before.

His smile put the sun to shame.

"We have to get ready" she urged gently, he nodded.

::::::::::::

They waited for the sun to illuminate the water and beach in her warm orange.

The blue sky turned pink at the horizon and the air smelled fresh, like sand and water and peace.

Phil stood in front of the priest, wringing his hands. He breathed audibly and he was obviously nervous.

Nick stood next to him, he was Phil's best man.

Natasha took her rightful place on Clint's side of the aisle.

It was cheesy but Captain America insisted to give Clint away.

So after a strong push Clint stumbled out in the open. Steve had waited for Clint to calm down enough to move and leave the house but his friend wasn't able to move at all.

Steve guided the archer down the aisle where Phil grew even more nervous.

It was a sight for the gods how they stood together in front of the priest.

Smiling like maniacs and nervous like hell.

The priest began to speak and with every word they relaxed.

Clint knew Phil would say yes.

Phil knew Clint would say yes.

And after their loving vows they sealed their marriage with a more than loving kiss.

Clint had to improvise because he hadn't had time to write his vow but his heart knew exactly what to say.

The crowd cheered and most of them couldn't hide the tears.

Even Fury had to rub a few traitorous tears away.

"Let's hear it for our favorite married couple" Tony cheered during dinner, raising his glass.

And their friends cheered and cat called.

"Thank you" Clint held his hand with the ring close to his heart, touching his wedding band lovingly.

"Don't thank me for our wedding" Phil was a little scared that Clint would chicken out.

Phil nearly did.

"Not for the wedding alone" Clint looked at his husband "For everything. Your patience, your love, this" he spread his arms and looked around.

The beach, the lampions, all their friends, even for the beautiful stars above them which glittered like jewels.

"You're welcome" Phil pulled him into a kiss.

:::::::::::

They spent four weeks in Praslin.

Tony and the others had left two days after the wedding.

Their honeymoon was something special in Clint's eyes and it made him sad as their time together came to an end.

But Phil felt the same way and the fact cheered him up a little.

The older Agent promised to take him to Praslin for their first anniversary.

So he boarded the plane with his husband in tow and more beautiful memories than he gathered in all those years of his life before.

"Duty calls" Clint sighed "Couldn't you at least wait an hour?"

Nick waited for them at the airport to brief them. He felt sorry for his friends but the underworld didn't take vacations.

"We have to leave now" Fury led them through a gate and dragged them into his private jet.

"Sir" Phil demanded Nick's attention.

Nick gave him a look that said I'm-busy

"You're an asshole, sir" Phil finally said before he returned his attention to the file in his hand.

"Duly noted Agent Barton" he smirked.

Phil raised a brow.

They chose double names to give them the chance to go by their old names within S.H.I.E.L.D. and in public but it was the first time anyone called Phil Barton.

"Don't give me that look" Nick groaned.

"What look?"

"Your duh look" he gesticulated wildly before he rubbed his forehead.

Clint burst out laughing and hugged himself to ease the pain in his side from all the laughing.

Nick and his hubby looked so stupid at that moment arguing like children.

"Got a Problem Agent Barton" both man said in unison.

Clint was baffled for a moment before he laughed again, he should have brought his camera.

::::::::::::::

The mission was quick and boring, nothing to worry about.

They were home before dinner the next day and used the chance to spent the night with their friends.

"Where is Campbell?" Clint asked after they ran out of themes.

"Siberia" Tony faked to think about it.

"SIBERIA, how did that happen?" Clint thought he would guard HQ or something.

"He tried to blackmail you guys but he didn't consider that your relationship wasn't a secret, it's was more like a visible secret for a time, uhm... yeah" Tony ran out of words.

"And therefore he ended in Siberia?" Clint frowned.

"He bugged Fury with his information and whining how unfair it was and that Coulson didn't give him a chance because he favors and protects his boy toy, blah blah blah" Tony rotated his wrist while he talked.

Realization dawned on Clint "Okay, that answers my question"

"I'd prefer him dead" Phil swallowed his peas "He will come back"

"Why are you so sure?" Siberia was far away.

"Because I know how people like Campbell work. I served with many people like him during the years. He will not give up to achieve his goal" Phil explained.

"What are his goals?" Bruce never paid much attention to the kid.

"Clint's place on the team" Steve answered for Phil. It was clearly visible in Campbell's eyes whenever he looked at the archer.

Especially the emotions in his eyes when Clint surpassed him were dangerous, and Clint constantly surpassed him because the kid was by far not good enough to compare with Hawkeye.

"They keep a close eye on him" Natasha added "We will be informed should he flee the base in Siberia"

"Good" Phil was relieved, his husband was safe from the kid, at least for a while.

"Don't worry so much" Clint gave him a blinding smile.

"Can't help it" Coulson stated the obvious.

"He's not happy with you either" Clint's smile vanished, replaced by look of anger "I will kill him, without trial or something comparable. He is dead the moment I see him"

"Permission granted" that was the Agent speaking.

"Thank you, sir" Clint continued to eat, feeling considerably better.

"I'm so glad I'm not a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent" Tony stated. He wasn't angry at them, he understood their worries and he would probably do the same if Steve were the one in danger but it was hard to imagine to live a life like an agent.

Constantly in danger, alone and abandoned somewhere on the other side of the world, fearing for friends, dying for nothing or dying as forgotten hero.

The Avengers were different. They would never leave a man behind, they would search and search until all hope was gone no matter what authorities said. They cared for each other and it was normal to keep each other safe. Dying was just the last resort.

"You know, I think we wouldn't work for them either if we had normal lives. Most of us have nothing outside of S.H.I.E.L.D., you guys would be somewhere else too without each other" the archer smiled slightly "Alone in a modern world, alone on top of a company with more foes than friends, alone somewhere where people don't ask any questions"

"You're probably right" Bruce agreed "we joined the Avengers. You didn't have that option so you guys joined S.H.I.E.L.D. instead"

"Bingo" Clint loved Bruce's quick mind.

"We have a damn fine family" Phil surprised them all "it's not important where we are from or where we could be. We are here right now and that is what matters"

"See why I adore him" Clint looked at his friends while he pointed with both hands at his husband.

They all nodded their consent.

Phil was right it was the past that mattered, it was their future...


End file.
